Our Journey Awaiting A Miracle

30 Weeks

2011-10-06T13:10:00.000-07:00

It has been 6 weeks since my last post. Sorry! Life has gotten so busy! Just when I think I can sit down to post, something comes up!

How Far Along: 30 Weeks

Size of Baby: Baby Wolfe is about 15.7 inches long and weighs about 3 pounds now!

30 Weeks: He is the size of a head of cabbage! A pint of amniotic fluid sorrounds baby now. His eyesight is continuing to develop, though its not very keen, even after he is born he will keep his eyes closed for a good part of the day. When he does open them he will respond to changes in light but will have a 20/400 vision-meaning he only will be able to make out objects a few inches from his face.

Sleep: Getting much harder! I wake up a lot during the night with horrible hip pain and can't seem to find a very comfortable position. I also wake up about 4 times each night to pee! Can't win...guess I am getting "trained" for when he comes.

Best Moment of the Week: We started painting the baby's room and have received some presents in the mail! We also got a call that the dresser and night stand are in, still waiting on the crib.

Movement: LOTS of movement! So many of my friends and family have gotten to feel him move and I love that I can share it with them! You don't even have to touch my belly you can see him move under my shirt. Sometime I just sit and stare at my belly and watch him move!

Symptoms: I am starting to get pretty uncomfortable. A lot of symptoms from first trimester are creeping back. I feel like I have no energy and tire very easy, I have started developing back pain, nausea and vomiting immediately after I eat a meal, heart burn is in full force and I find myself taking in deep breaths all the time trying to catch my breath. I hate to complain, if I have to go through this for the next 10 weeks then bring it on. I can do it, its just getting harder!

Food Cravings: Nothing in particular. I do get "obsessed" with certain foods for awhile. For example I LOVED rice krispies with a banana then it was peanut butter toast all the time, now its an apple with animal crackers.

Gender: Boy! ( However, I did have a dream it was a girl and we had to bring her home to all boy clothes and a boy room!)

What I Miss: My regular clothes, its getting harder to find something to wear that looks decent, maternity clothes are not my favorite. I am also missing Body Pump at the YMCA. This time of year many people are starting to go back to the gym as the weather gets colder. Can't wait to start working out again.

What I am Looking forward to: Getting the baby's room put together and my baby showers!

Weekly Wisdom: Eat multiple small meals and not three big ones, otherwise you will lose half the meal shortly after you eat it!

Milestone: Making it to 30 weeks!

I will try to update as often as I can, I hope not go 6 weeks without updating again. Sorry!

Love, Kristen

24 weeks

2011-08-24T16:55:00.000-07:00

How Far Along: 24 Weeks

Size of Baby: Just over a pound!! According to the Baby Center website he gained 4 ounces in the last week!!

24 Weeks: Baby Wolfe is growing steadily. He's almost a foot long, he cuts a pretty lean figure at this point, but his body is filling out proportionally, and he'll soon start to plump. His brain is also growing quickly now, and his taste buds are continuing to develop. His lungs are developing "branches" of the respiratory "tree" as well as cells that produce surfactant, a substance that will help his air sacs inflate once he hits the outside world. His skin is still thin and translucent, but will start to change soon. (Information taken from Baby Center's website)

Belly Pic:

Sleep: Getting good sleep, besides the fact I get up every 2-3 hours to pee! Also, since I am terrified of sleeping on my back, my hips get sore which wakes me up. Position change helps this.

Best Moment of the Week: Looking at cribs online with Eli

Movement: LOTS of movement! I LOVE feeling him move, it never gets old. I am the only one who can feel him, can't feel him from the outside yet. I know this is due to my anterior placenta, but can't wait until Eli gets a chance to feel it too!

Symptoms: Round ligament pain!! Hurts pretty bad. It feels like a charlie horse that gets stuck and you can't stretch it free. I can't walk when it happens, but when it happens its only for a short time. Sitting and resting helps alleviate the pain. Heart burn!! It's immediate when I lay down at night. It comes on no matter what I have eaten that day. TUMS smoothies have been my friend lately and work well. My Doctor also suggested Zantac which I have yet to try.

Food Cravings: Yoplait Blueberry Yogurt Parfait with Granola and bananas!

Gender: Sweet baby boy

What I Miss: My regular clothes. I feel so limited to the same outfits since I am not buying a whole wardrobe of maternity clothes. I feel like I wear the same thing all the time!

What I am Looking Forward to: Registering! Hopefully in the next couple of weeks we will do this! However, I did go to Babies R' Us to look at cribs and felt VERY overwhelmed when I saw everything we need!!

Weekly Wisdom: Don't feel guilty if you have a little Diet Coke here and there ;-)

Milestone: 24 weeks, which is viability!

Love, Kristen

21 weeks and Gender Reveal

2011-08-05T23:35:00.002-07:00

I can't believe its been almost 4 weeks since my last post!! Wow! Time is flying by! Things have been going well. We had our 20-21 week ultrasound on August 1st. Baby is growing perfectly and everything looked very well. They did have a hard time visualizing the heart, but after a couple of position changes, coughing and deep breaths they were able to see all they needed to see.

How Far Along: 21 (1/2) weeks

Size of Baby: He/She is the size of a banana (10.5 inches, 12.7 oz)

Picture of Baby: I promise to upload one soon!

21 Weeks: Baby Wolfe is now about three-quarters of a pound and is approximately 10 1/2 inches long. He/She is practicing martial arts as initial fluttering movements turn into full-fledged kicks and nudges. A pattern to his/her activity may be discovered. Baby Wolfe's eyebrows and lids are present now.

Maternity Clothes: Wearing mostly maternity clothes only, at least comfortably! I can still wear my pre-pregnancy jeans with a Bella Band, but they are getting pretty uncomfortable compared to my maternity jeans.

Belly Picture: My mom has been taking them.....I will have to get them off her camera!

Best Moment of the Week: Finding out the sex of the baby and seeing that he/she is healthy!

Symptoms: I have been feeling pretty good! However, I do get heart burn at night before bed. Tums has helped well with this. Hopefully that means this little one is busy growing lots of hair! My emotions have been crazy, I can cry at the drop of a hat....my poor husband :-)

Food Cravings: I haven't really been craving anything in particular, I am just ALWAYS hungry!

Gender: ITS A SWEET BABY BOY!!! Eli and I are thrilled and more then excited!!! We can't wait to meet him.

What I Miss: Still miss riding the Harley!

Weekly Wisdom: You don't have to cry about EVERYTHING :-)

What I am looking forward to: Registering and starting the nursery! (Did I really just say that!?!?!?!)

Milestones: Making it to 21 weeks is a milestone in itself!

I am so very thankful to have a healthy, sweet baby boy growing inside of me. I never thought this day would ever come. Thank you lord. Please continue to watch over us and bless us with your everyday miracles!

Love, Kristen & Eli

17 Weeks

2011-07-09T20:31:00.000-07:00

How Far Along: 17(1/2) weeks

Size of Baby: He/She is the size of an onion (About 5 inches from head to bottom, not including legs!)

Picture of Baby: I promise to upload one soon!

17 Weeks: Baby Wolfe's skeleton is changing from soft cartilage to bone, and the umbilical cord - his/her lifeline to the placenta- is growing stronger and thicker. He/She can move his/her joints, and his/her sweat glands are starting to develop. Baby Wolfe has mastered some simple reflexes such as swallowing, sucking and blinking. He/She may also be getting hiccups!

Maternity Clothes: Wearing some! My pre-pregnancy pants don't fit anymore. Went maternity shopping with my Mom yesterday at my new favorite maternity store 'A Pea in the Pod'. Got some super cute jeans and white pants/capris. Still wearing all pre-pregnancy shirts/tops.

Belly Picture: Need to take one. Took one at 12 weeks, but not since then because of the scare we had.

Best Moment of the Week: Shopping with Mom for Maternity clothes. Maybe, just maybe I can start to get excited about this pregnancy!

Symptoms: I feel pretty good! However, I do get bad headaches about mid afternoon, but usually resolve with Tylenol. I have also been having horrible vivid dreams about losing the baby. Those can stop anytime now please!

Food Cravings: I LOVE Ice Cream!!

Gender: Still really thinking its a Boy...we should have our ultrasound in about 2 1/2 weeks. Can't wait to find out for sure!!

What I Miss: Still miss riding the Harley. Eli went on a trip to South Dakota this weekend on the bike and it has been hard to be at home. Really missing riding A LOT. However, I know this baby is SO worth it!

What I am looking forward to: Finding out the baby's gender!

Weekly Wisdom: I can cry at the drop of a hat! Remember how sensitive pregnancy can make you!

Milestones: Making it to 17 weeks and having no signs of a returning hemorrhage!

I have an appointment Monday. Hopefully, I will be able to schedule my 20 week ultrasound then. Please keep praying for us. Things are looking good!

Love, Kristen

Miracles

2011-06-27T17:40:00.000-07:00

( I wrote this Monday, blogger wouldn't let me post until today! )

This is a LONG overdue post. So much has happened since the last post! Many of you who know me in person know the good news already :-)

A week ago today I had a follow-up ultrasound to look at the size of the hemorrhage. I was expecting it to be the same size, praying it wasn't any bigger. I was SO nervous, but thankfully Eli was there with me and he is always best at calming my nerves. The ultrasound tech looked at the report from the previous ultrasound, noting where the hemorrhage was seen before. Then started the ultrasound. The first words she said were "I don't see anything". WHAT!!! I was completely SHOCKED!!! What do you mean you don't see anything?? There was a huge hemorrhage there 2 weeks ago. She looked and looked, even got another ultrasound tech to look and did a vaginal ultrasound. Nothing. No bleeding. No hemorrhage. Just one perfect looking baby and one completely attached placenta! I couldn't have been happier, I just kept thanking God. Once again He performed a miracle!

Since then, I have had another OB appointment. Dr. B looked over the report from the ultrasound and reviewed the pictures. The hemorrhage is gone, for now. It may come back if that part of the placenta is some how irritated. However, as weeks go on the chance of it returning is less and less. I keep thanking God over and over and have more faith in Him then I EVER have. I have now started to enjoy being pregnant once again. I have been a little less nervous. Although, I know those nerves won't completely go away, even when baby is here happy and healthy!

Thank you all for your continued prayers! Keep praying! I will be 16 weeks on Wednesday, time seems to be flying by now. We can't wait for the next big milestone, find out baby's gender!!

Love, Kristen

Everything Happens for a Reason

2011-06-18T14:06:00.000-07:00

No new updates on the hemorrhage....we have an ultrasound Monday for another follow-up so I will have one then. I don't expect it to have disappeared, which would be a miracle, but I do hope it hasn't grown. I am having the ultrasound done basically for my knowledge. As the doctors said, we won't change the plan if it has grown or gotten smaller. I have talked to MANY OB doctors at work and all have many different opinions on subchorionic hemorrhages. However, overall I have gotten good feedback on my situation, making things a little easier.

To ease my mind I rented a fetal heart rate Doppler. It is an amazing feeling listening to our peanut's heart beat and being able to hear him/her moving around! He/she is really easy to find, always in the same spot and always has a heart rate of 155-160. It has made me relax a little!

I feel like I should share what I have come to discover over the last 2 weeks.....it is my place with God. Growing up I was raised Catholic went to church with my mom every week, attended catechism and had a good relationship with God. I carried my beliefs as I got older, married in a catholic church and instilled my beliefs in my relationship with my husband. Then, infertility put a huge burden in my relationship with God and my beliefs. I didn't shut Him completely out of my life, but my relationship wasn't as strong with Him. Those 3 years I was mad at Him. I couldn't come to understand why He wouldn't bless us with a baby, why He was doing what He was doing. Each negative test I saw and each month that went on without being pregnant my faith got less and less. When I finally became pregnant I started letting Him back into my life, but was cautious. Still so numb and angry for what I had to go through, still not understanding why we had to work so hard for what others could have so easily. Since the news of my hemorrhage increasing and the chance of losing our miracle, God came back into my life full force. I apologized to Him and told Him I how much I needed Him in my life. I have a stronger relationship with Him now then I have ever had. I truly believe in Him, His miracles, His beliefs and I follow Him. I trust His plan for my life and have completely let Him have control over this little miracle He gave to us. I believe it was in His plan to give us a "scare" so that I would come back in to His life and come back into His trust. I truly believe everything happens for a reason, and this is a perfect example. There isn't a day that goes by now that I don't talk to Him, pray to Him and completley feel at peace with our relationship. I will forever be greatful for this.

I will update Monday after the ultrasound. PLEASE keep praying....it is working....we still have a healthy happy peanut! Thank you!

Love, Kristen

Follow up

2011-06-09T08:26:00.000-07:00

I had a "follow-up" appointment today in clinic. Dr. B is on vacation so I saw another doctor who is just as amazing. She started the appointment off with a quick ultrasound of the baby. He/she had a strong heart beat and was moving around, all reassuring things.

We then discussed the hemorrhage. Yes, it is still there and has most definetly gotten bigger since May 24th. How much bigger is hard to tell but much bigger then before. A great deal of the rest of the placenta is still very much attached and hopefully giving adequate nourishment to baby. The fact that it has grown is worrisome. Does it mean I am going to lose the baby?? No one knows, but someone with a "perfect" pregnancy could lose their baby and no one would ever be able to predict that either. It does make me more at risk, but Dr. H said she wouldn't change anything about what I am doing at this point. The hemorrhage may be absorbed by my body or may bleed out. Lets hope and pray it does one of the other and doesn't continue to grow more.

This is where we stand. Right now we have a healthy little peanut growing and moving. I need to concentrate on that fact. In my heart I know God wants me to have this baby. Please continue to pray, I know prayer works and we need it more then ever. Thank you!

Love, Kristen

Hemorrhage Increases

2011-06-06T15:57:00.000-07:00

I have never been so sad and scared in my life.....

This morning while working, I started spotting....then bleeding....then clots were coming. I immediately clocked out at work and was seen in triage. We heard baby's heart beat on the Doppler, 160s....I stopped shaking with fear. Dr. M did a quick bedside ultrasound, baby was moving around and even waved to us :-) Since I have the history of the hemorrhage I was sent to do a formal ultrasound to make sure it wasn't growing.

We waited....and waited....the results came. The hemorrhage has grown....large. It is now almost all the way around the placenta. Instead of being considered small, it is considered large. More dangerous for the pregnancy. No one could say anything to make the numbness of the situation better. I didn't cry until I got in my car, and since the tears haven't stopped. There is nothing we can do. Its comparable to a placental abruption. I could still go on to have a normal pregnancy, we just have to wait. Wait to lose the baby or wait and wait for what we hope to be an okay pregnancy. The baby is fine. Perfect in fact. No anomalies were seen, he/she was moving around, good heart beat. I feel horrible. I feel like my body is failing, once again, and not giving this baby the perfect "home" he/she needs. There is nothing we can do, nothing anyone can do. This is in god's hands.

My neighbor said to me tonight, "One shouldn't have to go through so much". While going through infertility there were times I didn't think it was fair, but knew it was the path god wanted me to be on. Now this...to give us such a gift and miracle and then take it away...that is just cruel. I know I have asked for prayer before, but please I am asking once again. We need it more then ever now. Thank you.

Love, Kristen

11 Weeks

2011-05-25T18:19:00.000-07:00

How far Along: 11 Weeks

Size of Baby: He/she is the size of a lime!

Picture of Baby: Have them but don't know how to upload them!

11 Weeks: Baby Wolfe is slightly more than two inches long now and weighing about a third of an ounce, he/she is growing leaps and bounds! And so is his or her head, which is equal in length to the rest of the body (don't worry — all fetuses are top-heavy). On the crown of that large head (and over the rest of the body), hair follicles are forming. Fingernail and toenail beds begin to develop this week and by next week, the nails themselves will start to grow.
Baby's body is straightening and his or her torso is lengthening, like a yoga pose! Other poses he/she can assume now: stretches, somersaults, and forward rolls. And while you can't tell the baby's gender by its cover yet, testes are developing if it's a boy and ovaries if it's a girl.

Maternity Clothes: Not needed and don't own any yet....however my jeans are getting hard to button....

Weight Gain: 2 lbs....I hadn't put much thought into gaining weight, but I think this is going to be a hard part of pregnancy for me. Please don't judge. I have struggled with my weight my whole life and recently lost 35 lbs. I am the smallest I have ever been....it will be hard to put those pounds back on. Dr. B says I can gain 25-30 lbs....we shall see.

Belly Picture: Haven't taken one yet...maybe when I start showing :-)

Best Moment of the Week: Getting to watch Baby on ultrasound for a half an hour for the First Trimester Screen! I can't believe how much he/she has grown!

Movement: Baby Wolfe is moving constantly!! So cute on the ultrasound, but I won't be able to feel it for awhile.

Symptoms: >Previous Post< My symptoms for the most part have magically disappeared. Making me extremely nervous. I still get nauseated here and there but haven't needed Zofran in over a week! Constipation is solved, thanks to Raisin Bran!

Gender: Not sure why but still thinking Boy!

What I Miss: Riding the Harley....its going to be a long summer!

What I am looking forward to: 12 weeks, Second Trimester!

Weekly Wisdom: If your pregnancy isn't "text book" don't worry!! Every one's experiences are so different from one another. You don't' have to be awful and sick your whole pregnancy :-)

Milestones: Making it to 11 weeks is a milestone in itself!

Yesterday I had my First Trimester Screen Ultrasound and blood work. The baby has to be in the "perfect" position for the screen so I got to watch our little peanut for over a half an hour waiting for him/her to get into that "perfect" position! I can't believe how much he/she has changed! The cutest part is he/she kept wanting to have its hand up by its head, making it hard for the ultrasound tech to do her measurements! I loved seeing the hands and all the movement he/she was doing! The OB Dr. came in and said that from what they see on the ultrasound everything looks good. The ultrasound part of the screen came back negative....now waiting for the blood work portion, which comes back in 3 days. They are testing for Down Syndrome and Trisomy 18. The test/screen is optional. My husband and I wouldn't do anything different with the pregnancy if the test came back positive, but we don't want any 'surprises' and I wanted the extra ultrasound and chance to see our little peanut ;-)

Love, Kristen

NERVOUS NELLY

2011-05-23T15:42:00.001-07:00

10 1/2 weeks and not really feeling many symptoms anymore....I am getting a little nervous. No nausea, not very tired anymore, hungry all the time....VERY nervous here!!! Has this happened to anyone else??!!

We have our first trimester screen tomorrow; ultrasound and blood work. Hoping our little peanut is still doing well in there....What can I say I am NERVOUS about everything!!!!!!! And I need to stop reading blogs about miscarriages and loses of babies because that is NOT helping my situation. Pray for some relaxation for me, good test results and a healthy happy peanut tomorrow!!

Love, Kristen

10 Weeks

2011-05-18T00:58:00.000-07:00

How far Along: 10 Weeks

Size of Baby: Roughly 1-1/2 inches. (The size of a prune).

Picture of Baby: Have them but don't know how to upload them!

10 Weeks: Baby Wolfe's bones and cartilage are forming, and small indentations on the legs are developing into knees and ankles. The arms (complete with elbows) can flex already. Though his/her arms are taking shape and getting stronger, each one is only about the size of this number 1.
The tooth bud fairy is making her appearance this week, heralding the arrival of your baby Wolfe's little choppers, which are forming under the gums. (Those pearly whites won't break through the gums until he/she is close to six months old). Other systems are go, too. Baby Wolfe's stomach is producing digestive juices, the kidneys are producing larger quantities of urine, and, if baby Wolfe is a boy, he's already producing testosterone. (Information taken from What to Expect's website).

Maternity Clothes: Not needed and don't own any yet!

Weight Gain: Nope, not yet!

Belly Picture: Haven't taken one yet...maybe when I start showing :-)

Best Moment of the Week: Going to my first OB appointment and of course getting to see baby on ultrasound again!

Movement: Baby Wolfe is moving, but I won't be feeling it for awhile!

Symptoms: Still feeling nauseated but Zofran has been a miracle worker! Certain food smells have been bugging me. Poor Eli I am not such a good cook lately, I just can't stand food cooking smell! Constipation has kicked in and it sure is uncomfortable. Thinking about taking some Metamucil but trying to add more fiber to my diet first. I haven't had so much cramping but I have had a stretching and aching feeling where my ovaries are, maybe some round ligament pain?! The fatigue is much better, but still requiring lots more sleep then normal.

Gender: Not sure why but I have been thinking Boy!

What I Miss: Riding the Harley...and my diet coke! However, really nothing in comparison to being pregnant.

What I am looking forward to: Ultrasound next week. Can't wait to see our peanut again! I am also looking forward to second trimester, 2 weeks away!!

Weekly Wisdom: Listen to your body...eat if hungry and rest if needed! Take Zofran EVERY WHERE!! Its a miracle medication!

Milestones: Making it to 10 weeks!! 1/3 of the way done!!

Next week is another ultrasound...our first trimester screen. Can't wait to see our peanut again!! Thanks for all your prayers and support, keep them coming!! We are far from being "Out of the Woods".

Love, Kristen

First OB Appointment

2011-05-16T18:26:00.001-07:00

No weekly post this week, sorry. I am trying to relax and just get through week by week. In 2 days I will be 10 weeks!! Getting closer and closer to that 12 week mark, second trimester. I had my first OB appointment last Thursday. Everything went well. I am seeing an OB that I have seen before and one that I work with so I already knew how great he would be! To ease my mind he did an "unofficial" ultrasound and I got to see that perfect little heart beat and baby was moving/jumping! It was soooo good to see. Dr. B said he didn't see any sign of a hemorrhage using the abdominal ultrasound. So, he said it may still be there but its a good sign that he can't identify it on the "outside" its that small. I haven't had any spotting since last Wednesday. Every time I visit the bathroom I thank god! I have another appointment next week with Dr. B just to follow up on the bleeding. I also have my first trimester screen ultrasound and blood work next week as well. Can't wait to see our peanut again!! I will do a weekly post this week, promise!! Please keep praying. I am having such a good feeling that things are going to be okay :-)

Love, Kristen

Lord hear my prayers

2011-05-09T09:49:00.000-07:00

I am still spotting. Pink/red spotting with cramping. Not reassuring every time I go to the bathroom. I thought maybe it was from the ultrasound Friday, but the fact its still here today makes me wonder. I hope god is hearing my prayers.....to keep this baby safe and growing and make that darn hemorrhage go away....

8 Weeks

2011-05-07T18:27:00.000-07:00

How far Along: 8 weeks (and 3 days)

Size of Baby: On average 0.63 inches and 0.04 oz. (The size of a big raspberry). My uterus, however, is the size of a grapefruit!

Picture of Baby: I have many, but don't have a scanner so I don't know how to post them!

8 Weeks: Baby Wolfe is growing at an amazing rate — about a millimeter every day — and now is the size of a large raspberry. He/she is looking a lot less reptilian (even though he/she has webbed fingers and toes, his/her tail is just about gone) and a lot more baby-like these days, as are his/her lips, nose, eyelids, legs, and back continue to take shape. His/her heart is beating at the incredible rate of 150 times per minute — about twice as fast as mine! And even though I can't yet feel it, he/she is now making spontaneous movements as he/she twitches her tiny trunk and limb buds. (Information taken from What to Expect's website).

Maternity Clothes: Nope...but my jeans are getting a little tight!

Weight Gain: Nope!

Belly: I can't tell but I think there is a little bit of a change!

Best Moment of the Week: Seeing baby Wolfe twice and getting an Anniversary card from Eli saying how he can't wait to have our baby! Its such a good feeling when he shows excitement about the baby!

Movement: I can't feel it yet, but baby is starting to move around this week! Can't wait to feel it!

Symptoms: Still feeling some nausea but have only vomited once so far! Lots of indigestion, nothing seems to settle very well. Cramping and stretching pains along with some back pain. The cramping scares me a little but I know its just the uterus growing for the baby!

Gender: No idea....but the last couple of days I have thought boy!

What I miss: Nothing compared to being pregnant....but I do miss riding on the Harley already and summer hasn't even started!

What I am looking forward to: My first OB appointment with Dr. B this Thursday!

Weekly Wisdom: Bleeding during the pregnancy is so scary but so common.

Milestones: Making it to 8 weeks and "surviving" a subchorionic hemorrhage.

Yesterday I had a follow-up ultrasound. The hemorrhage is still there but isn't measuring any bigger. Its about 1.2x.5 cm, which I have been told is very small. It also isn't near the baby or placenta. I haven't had any more heavy bleeding but some spotting, especially since the ultrasound. Baby looked good, heart rate 174 and measuring right on track :-) I couldn't believe how big baby has gotten! Yesterday you could see little arm and leg buds on the ultrasound and the umbilical cord. It was very surreal. Everything is very reassuring....I just need to relax about it all. Easier said then done!

Love, Kristen

Still here...

2011-05-02T16:42:00.001-07:00

Not much change today. I am still having some red/pink bleeding that slows to spotting at times. I am also having some cramping, more then I have been. I followed up with both clinics today, Dr. M's and Dr. B's (my new OB). Both just want me to update them if there are significant changes. I have my first prenatal appointment with Dr. B next Thursday. I won't be seen until then unless there are changes. I was surprised an ultrasound wasn't scheduled for this week, but no one really seems that concerned. I on the other hand am still very nervous. I don't know how many times I have prayed in the last 24 hours. I hope HE is hearing my prayers. Please continue to pray for us and the baby....this just has to be okay, it can't end. Thanks so much!

Love, Kristen

Bleeding; Every pregnant women's worst Nightmare

2011-05-01T19:22:00.000-07:00

I woke up this morning around 6:00AM to find blood, yes BRIGHT RED period like blood. I FREAKED OUT.I SCREAMED.I CRIED "NO". I immediately woke up Eli and then called Dr. M, luckily he was the Dr. on call. He reassured me that bleeding in pregnancy is normal and there isn't anything to do about it. He said that statistically 50% of women have some bleeding in the first trimester and for some reason more common in IVF patients. He told me to rest for the day and call tomorrow with an update. If I started passing tissue or clots I was instructed to go to the hospital. So I went back to bed and some how feel asleep.

At 9:00AM I woke up again. More bleeding. I knew I wouldn't be able to sit home all day with bleeding. I needed to know. So, we went to the ER. I was terrified. I thought for sure I was miscarrying. As we were going to ultrasound my body uncontrollably shook with fear. It seemed like forever. Then we saw it. One perfect little heart beat, beating at 154 bpm! I cried and Eli cried. He/She was also measuring perfect, still growing well. The embryo was fine so why was I bleeding??

Apparently on the ultrasound a small blood filled sac was found and I was told I have a subchorionic hemorrhage. A subchorionic hemorrhage is gathering of blood between the membranes of the placenta and the uterus. There is no known cause for a SCH but many researchers speculate that during egg implantation, the egg slightly separates or tears from the uterus causing a bleed. The current statistics for pregnancy loss with a SCH is 1-3%. This low percentage is related to large clots. Most pregnancies progress with no further complications. Most clots resolve on their own by 20 weeks of pregnancy. The clot either bleeds itself out or the body absorbs it. My clot was diagnosed as small. The ER Dr. said he can't obviously tell me whats going to happen but statistics are on my side. He said one in ten diagnosed with a SCH miscarry. Nine in ten go on to have a healthy pregnancy. What a scary morning/day.

I have continued to have some bleeding throughout the day but tonight is has slowed to almost spotting. PLEASE PRAY for us and the baby. We need all the prayers we can get. I will call Dr. M's office tomorrow and schedule an ultrasound for this week. PLEASE PRAY!! Thank you!!

Love, Kristen

7 Weeks

2011-04-29T12:25:00.000-07:00

How far along: 7 weeks

Size of Baby: About half an inch (The size of a blueberry)

Picture of Baby: I finally have one....but need to figure out how to share it with you on here!!

7 weeks: Baby Wolfe is now about the size of a blueberry (and about 10,000 times bigger than he/she was at conception). Most of that growth is concentrated in the head as new brain cells are generated at the rate of 100 per minute. Your baby's mouth and tongue are forming as arm and leg buds sprout, and those little kidneys are getting ready to do their job (pee production and excretion). (Information taken from What to Expect's Website)

Maternity Clothes: Nope! Good thing because I don't even own one pair!

Weight gain: None

Belly: Nope!

Best Moment of the Week: Seeing the baby's heart beat! It was amazing and I am already so in love!

Movement: No, and it won't be for awhile unfortunately :-(

Symptoms: Still feeling VERY tired. Working nights is getting harder. I am tired all the time! I usually can't go a full day without a nap. Nausea is still in full force, but no vomiting yet. The nausea seems to come and go at different times of the day. Still taking Zofran when I absolutely need it. I had to ditch my cart and leave the grocery store the other day, I just couldn't handle even looking at food! I have also noticed some indigestion and a little more heartburn. I am still having some cramping as well.

What I am looking forward to: My first OB/pregnancy appointment on May 12th!

Weekly Wisdom: Take that Zofran EVERYWHERE you go!

Milestones: Making it to 7 weeks and seeing that perfect little heart beat!

We had our Ultrasound on Wednesday and saw one baby and one perfect little heart beat. Baby Wolfe's heart rate was 129, Dr. M said it was PERFECT! Baby Wolfe also implanted in a perfect spot in my uterus, right in the middle where he/she was supposed to! Seeing him/her for the first time was amazing. I am already so in love with this little baby and so is Eli! We also got some other good news, I have been graduated from Dr. M's office!! Dr. M said I am able to get the rest of my pregnancy care at a regular OB office. It was bittersweet. I am sure going to miss Dr. M and all those nurses, I made sure I gave lots of hugs! I will be returning though, but for a visit only and holding my miracle they all helped me get :-) My first OB appointment is May 12th and I can't hardly wait!! I am still taking IM progesterone and still wearing Vivelle (estrogen) patches until most likely week 12. This has been one great week!!

Love, Kristen

6 Weeks

2011-04-20T16:37:00.000-07:00

How far along: 6 weeks

Size of baby: Average length is 5mm to 6mm, or 1/6th to 1/4th of an inch.

Picture of Baby: Don't have one yet

6 Weeks: Baby Wolfe's jaw, cheeks, chin, eyes, ears, and nose are beginning to form what will eventually become one adorable face. In addition, his/her kidneys, liver, and lungs are developing, and his/her heart is now beating 80 times a minute (and getting faster every day). (Information taken from What to Expect's website).

Maternity Clothes: Not yet and hopefully not for awhile :-)

Weight Gain: None. However, my evening/night nausea is really getting to me, so I wouldn't be surprised if I lose some weight.

Belly: Nothing yet, but can't wait for it to show!

Best Moment of the Week: When my nephew pulled up my shirt to "see the baby" and when my other nephew kissed my belly or "the baby".

Movement: No, but can't wait until that moment!

Symptoms: I was having some pretty bad cramping, but that has seemed to die down. My boobs hurt but are still the same size. In the last couple of days I have noticed some pretty strong nausea in the late afternoon/evening time. The nausea seems to be worse if I don't eat, but depending on what I eat it sometimes gets worse. Its a no win situation! I do have a prescription for Zofran and have had to take one on Sunday when it was unbearable. I took it when I wasn't even able to watch food commercials on TV, it was that bad!

Gender: No idea!

What I miss: I don't' miss anything to being pregnant. BUT I do miss my Diet Coke :-)

What I am looking forward to: 7 week ultrasound on Thursday April 28th. Can't wait to see the heart beat!

Weekly Wisdom: Eat through the nausea otherwise it just gets worse!

Milestones: Making it to 6 weeks!

Love, Kristen

Second Hcg Level

2011-04-10T16:53:00.001-07:00

I'm still here and still pregnant!! On Friday I had my blood drawn and my hcg level more then doubled, it was 158! It went up 120%! I felt like it was still low, but the nurse reassured me it was perfect! Its still so hard to get too excited about everything, but each appointment and good news makes it better! Our next appointment is an ultrasound in 2 weeks. In the mean time I might pee on more sticks, just to make sure ;-) I told my mom today that I wish there was a machine or something that updated you each day about your pregnancy. It would say something like, "Your still pregnant and baby is growing perfect". Just for a little reassurance for us that are a little more nervous then others :-) Thanks for all of your sweet messages and pone calls! They help to give us a little more excitement during these early stages!! Please keep praying!! Love, Kristen & Eli

I have waited so long for this!!!

2011-04-06T20:35:00.000-07:00

I have waited 2 years, 11 months and 6 days to say this....

I'm Pregnant!!

My beta level today was 71. I was worried that was low, but the Nurse Practitioner said it was a good solid number and not to worry. My progesterone level was also drawn and came back at 27. Good enough to sustain a pregnancy!

Eli and I are beyond excited and so happy. I still can't believe it. Today I am 4 weeks. Still VERY early, so please continue to pray. I go back to clinic on Friday for another blood draw. My beta level should be doubled by then. PRAY it is! Thank you all so much for supporting us on this long tough journey and keep praying. Its working!! Thank you!

Love, Kristen & Eli

3dp5dt

2011-03-31T18:23:00.000-07:00

Today is 3 days past a 5 day transfer. I am feeling well.......sometimes I think too well. Not feeling pregnant AT ALL. Having my doubts....one minute I think "How can this not work?", next minute "Why would it work?". I bought some pregnancy tests today. Haven't thought about when or IF I am going to pee on them. I am scared. Scared this didn't work....scared it will never work. I am keeping a positive attitude though, but also guarding my heart. I am ready to be done with these IM progesterone shots...Eli has been doing a good job giving them, but my butt hurts!!! Tomorrow I start Vivelle patches. Patches that contain progesterone to keep the uterine lining PERFECT! Actually, the worst part is the side effect of the progesterone shot, constipation. Worst.Feeling.Ever. Maybe its god's way of preparing for pregnancy?? Doesn't hurt to think positive out of something negative! Keep the prayers coming...love you all!! Love, Kristen & Eli

Transfer Part 2

2011-03-29T16:40:00.000-07:00

Monday we got to the clinic and met my mom there. She was there for support and I couldn't have imagined her not being there for something so important. Eli got to come back to the procedure room with me, mom didn't. I was feeling pretty nervous but when the Valium took effect I felt a little more relaxed. Eli and I both had our minds made up that we would put two embryos in. When Dr. M came in he had me lay down looked at my ovaries and felt my abdomen. He said my left ovary was still very large and I had some fluid in my abdomen, all signs of OHSS. Then he gave his recommendation of only putting one embryo in. I was devastated.....when you have your mind set and someone tells you otherwise it makes it that much harder. He said he strongly recommends one at this point for these reasons; 1. History of OHSS 2. Size of my ovaries and the fluid in my abdomen 3. The risk to the pregnancy if I develop OHSS He also said he doesn't just want a positive pregnancy test, he wants a healthy baby and a healthy mom. He basically told me he was only willing to put one in for my safety and health. OHSS develops and gets worse with pregnancy. We very much trust his decision and his 32 years of experience. So, we transferred one PERFECT little embryo!!! It was amazing to watch the embryo being transferred to my uterus on the ultrasound. After the transfer I had to lay there for 10 minutes and then they let me empty my bladder and then had me lay down flat for about 40 more minutes. Eli left to go to work and my mom brought me home. I am on "bedrest" until at least tomorrow afternoon. Only able to get up to go to the bathroom, wash face, brush teeth etc. No showering!! Can't wait to take a shower tomorrow, that has been the hardest part for me! Thank you for every one's support. All of you make this hard journey a little more easier. Thank you so very very much! We love you all!! Please continue to pray that this little embryo is sticking, I am ready to have a positive pregnancy test. I now believe I deserve this, we have been through so much. April 6th is my pregnancy test and we will find out what we already know, I'm pregnant :-) Lots of love, Kristen & Eli

Transfer Part 1

2011-03-28T17:50:00.001-07:00

The transfer went PERFECT today!!! We decided to transfer one perfect embryo instead of two as a strong recommendation from Dr. M for multiple reasons. I am just resting now. Will update more later or tomorrow. Keep praying that the one little embryo sticks and grows! Love, Kristen & Eli

Still growing!!

2011-03-27T18:03:00.000-07:00

The embryologist called this morning and we have a transfer time....11:30AM tomorrow!! Words can't describe how excited I am! She said all but one of the embryos were growing at a perfect rate and were right on track! So, we still have 17!!! Is it crazy to be attached to 17 clusters of cells???!!! Call me crazy but I felt a sigh of relief that my embryos were safe and growing and I felt bad for the little one who probably won't make it. If I sound crazy I blame it on all of the hormones I am on ;-) Ha! We have to arrive at the clinic at 11:00AM. Starting at 10:30AM I need to start drinking water so I have a full bladder for the transfer. I also have to take Valium at that time. Please think of us and PRAY at 11:30AM that things go smoothly and that those little embryos stick! I PROMISE I will take such good care of them....all they have to do is stick! Tomorrow when I update, I will be pregnant....that makes me sooooo happy and excited! Finally! Lots of love, Kristen & Eli

We Have Fertilization!!

2011-03-25T20:02:00.000-07:00

I got the call from the embryologist!!! We have 18 little embryos growing!!!!!!!!!!
The embryologist said that of the 27, 26 eggs were mature, 21 fertilized and 18 have started cell division! I am over the moon happy right now....She will call again Sunday for another update and let me know when the transfer will be on Monday. I have a good feeling about this!

*On a side note, I ended up going to the ER last night for hydration. I kept vomiting and was SO dizzy and nauseated. I didn't take that medication today and feel a lot better. I did have one episode of vomiting today, but was able to eat right after. The ER Dr. gave me a prescription for Zofran, an ant-nausea medication which has been helping. I am having a little pain with movement but feel pretty good!!
I will update Sunday after the "babysitter"/embryologist calls :-)

Love, Kristen

Retrieval Update

2011-03-24T18:06:00.000-07:00

I want to thank everyone for the sweet messages, texts, calls etc. I have been able to answer some but not others. I haven't been feeling that well and have been on the verge of going to the ER multiple times.

The retrieval went VERY well yesterday. Dr. M wasn't there, but one of his partners Dr. K did the retrieval and he was great. Dr. K and my husband talked about Harley Davidson's for 15 minutes! He made Eli feel better about being there and I thank him for that. Dr. K said he suspected to get anywhere between 10 and 30 eggs. When it was time for me to go back to the OR Eli gave me a kiss and I walked into the room. The anesthesiologist and nurse were very nice and reassuring. They started an IV and I was given Fentanyl and something else to relax. Before I knew it I was sleeping and then waking up in recovery. I think I asked 8 times how many eggs they got....and heard the anesthesiologist tell Eli I will probably keep asking since I am awake but nothing is really registering! Ha!! BUT guess how many they got?!?!

I was in SHOCK!!! 27 is an awesome number!! I know they won't all be mature but that is a good number to start with. Tomorrow sometime the embryologist will call and tell us how many have fertilized. They will then call again Sunday and let us know what time the transfer will be on Monday. I can't wait!!! Please keep praying that our embryos are strong and healthy!!

Now on to why I am not feeling well. Dr. M prescribed a medication for me to take called Cabergoline. The goal of the medication is to prevent and/or minimize Ovarian Hyperstimulation Syndrome and is to be taken for 8 days once a day. I took the first one yesterday and had horrible side effects from it. I was very dizzy, lightheaded, nauseated, vomiting and just felt like crap. Eli called Dr. M last night and he gave me some suggestions on what to do and if I didn't get better I needed to go to the ER. It all eventually passed and I felt better this morning. Dr. M called today and wanted me to give the medication another shot. Bad decision, I got even sicker and once again almost went to the ER. I am finally feeling a little better, but having some pain and still dizzy. Dr. M does not want me to take that medication again and neither do I! Hopefully tomorrow I will feel a lot better and will update after the embryologist calls. Keep saying prayers, they are working!!

Lots of love, Kristen & Eli

Retrieval

2011-03-21T14:07:00.000-07:00

I had my last follicle study today for this cycle!!!! My retrieval is scheduled for Wednesday!!! I am over the moon happy. We made it! I am to give myself the HCG shot tonight at 10:30pm exactly. Nothing to eat or drink after midnight on Tuesday and be to the clinic Wednesday morning at 9:30am. I have 11-15 follicles mature and many more potential by Wednesday. I am still in shock, this is actually happening.....I am a little nervous because I will be asleep for the procedure. Please keep praying.....pray for healthy eggs, good fertilization and healthy strong embryos! I will update Wednesday after retrieval.

Love, Kristen & Eli

2011-03-19T09:30:00.000-07:00

So far so good! Everything is going well with this cycle. Wednesday was my first ultrasound, there were many follicles, but still small. My estradiol level was 543. Dr. M decreased my medication Wednesday night because of the big increase in my level within the 2 days. Friday I had another ultrasound. Follicles growing at expected rate, but still smaller and not ready. Estradiol level went up despite the decrease in medication, it was around 800. To make sure it keeps rising Dr. M had me go in today just for a blood draw and it was 1137. SO happy it keeps rising!!! Last cycle it fell when we decreased my medication. However, I now do believe the Cetratide is what ruined my cycle last time. I have another ultrasound and blood draw tomorrow at 7:10 am!!! Hopefully my follicles are growing at a good pace and are getting ready to be mature! Please keep praying for us. I have a good feeling about this cycle! Even making it to retrieval is huge progress!

Love, Kristen & Eli

Stim Day 3

2011-03-14T15:02:00.000-07:00

The nurse called this afternoon and said my estradiol level was 127. She said to keep all medications at their same dose and come back Wednesday.......
Then Dr. M called from his cell phone and said he wanted to cut my Follistim back......I hesitated.
This is what caused me cycle to be cancelled last time. He understood why I would be worried about it and finally made the decision to just leave my dose the same and see what Wednesday brings. He did say my level was nice and strong, but that at some point he would probably have to back down......I HATED hearing that. Really?? I DO NOT want another repeat of last cycle. Please lord let me make it to retrieval...........Please!

Love, Kristen & Eli

Lupron Protocol

2011-03-11T15:27:00.000-08:00

We are back from vacation and on to Cycle #2!! Mexico was a blast and all the relaxing we did was much needed. I started my Lupron injections while in Mexico, 20 units a day. Which by the way, bringing needles on the plane was no big deal, they didn't question me once! Monday I had my baseline ultrasound and Estradiol level checked. Everything looked great on the ultrasound, but my Estradiol level was raised at 46. At this time in my cycle they would expect it to be 0 or less then 12, which it has been in the past. So, instead of decreasing Lupron to 5 units I stayed at 20 units and had my Estradiol level re-checked today. It only decreased to 40, but no one seemed worried because I was given the okay to start stim meds tomorrow!!! I will be taking 5 units of Lupron and 75 of Menopur in the morning and 100 of Follistim in the evening. My next appointment is Monday for an Estradiol only and my first ultrasound is Thursday. Please keep us in your prayers these next couple of weeks. Pray my ovaries cooperate, pray we have a successful retrieval and transfer and most of all pray for a miracle! Thank you!! I will update on Monday when I know my Estradiol level.

Love, Kristen & Eli

IVF Cycle #2

2011-02-20T21:19:00.001-08:00

Finally, an update!! This is a MUCH needed, and asked for, update. Sorry!! I have tried to take my mind off infertility for the last month and just relax. Its been a nice break!

Things are in the works for IVF cycle #2. We had our Nurse Consultation appointment last week and we signed consents and reviewed "the plan" for the next cycle. Dr. M has changed my protocol and we are taking the Lupron path instead of the antagonist path this time around. Lupron is used as a suppression drug. It suppresses the pituitary gland, the gland that is responsible for triggering ovulation. Dr. M's hope is that this will help during the stimulation phase and is used instead of the Cetratide, which is one of the things to blame the cancellation of my last cycle. I will start Lupron injections this week and my last birth control will be Wednesday March 2. My baseline ultrasound is March 8 and my first stimulation medication will be taken March 12. The stimulation medications are staying the same; Menopur and Follistim. We are hoping and praying this cycle doesn't get cancelled.

We are taking one "last vacation" before starting and going to Mexico!! We are very excited and will be going with my brother and his wonderful girlfriend! I will be starting my Lupron while I am in Mexico so I do have to bring a note/permission from the Doctor to carry the medication and syringes on the plane. Hope that goes smoothly!

I promise to update more throughout this next month. Hoping to be updating good news this time around, start to finish! Please keep praying for us! Thank you all so much!

Much love, Kristen & Eli

What Happened??

2011-01-06T11:56:00.000-08:00

What Happened??

I had another ultrasound and blood work done yesterday morning. The nurse at the appointment said everything looked good and that the lead follicles were still growing. She instructed me to increase my medication and would call later if there was any change. There was change and later that afternoon Dr. M called. His first words made me drop to the floor and start sobbing, "We have some trouble kiddo"......."We have to cancel this cycle, I'm sorry". I lost it. I felt bad that I was crying on the phone, but I'm sure he hears it all the time. He was very patient with me, answered all my questions, gave great explanations and was very sympathetic. My Estradiol level kept decreasing. Monday it was 687...Tuesday 552...Wed 283. It started falling after we decreased my Follistim dose and kept falling despite the fact that it was increased and another medication was added. Of the 13 that we had in the beginning, only 2 made it to the mature stage. Not enough for an IVF cycle. My heart was broken. We were devastated. This counted as one of our "tries". Dr. M admitted that we went to slow and were too cautious with me. They were so worried about hyperstimulation they weren't aggressive enough. The medication mix we used wasn't right. The decision to decrease wasn't right. I didn't know what to think. If Dr. M wasn't on vacation would he have made the decision to decrease.No.But he trusts his colleague's decision. My next words "When can we start again?". Dr. M gave me the option of just ending this cycle or turning it into an insemination cycle to have a chance at pregnancy. I had the 2 mature follicles and could trigger, ovulate and do an insemination. We decided to go for it. However, since we have already invested so much money we decided to trigger, ovulate and do timed intercourse instead of insemination. It would have been another $300.00 out of pocket for the insemination. So, we will have a 2 week wait. If by some miracle we get pregnant we just saved A LOT of money. If we don't, I will start birth control again when I get a period. Dr. M wants me to be on birth control for 3-4 weeks before the next cycle. He will also be gone again in February on vacation. I WILL NOT do this again without him there. He knows my body too well and I want him to be in full control of the whole cycle. He will be back in clinic at the end of February, we will start then.

I.can't.believe.this.has.happened. Still a little numb to the fact that we are done and never made it to retrieval. Hopefully this pain is short lived and we can move on. Please continue to pray for our strength and hope that we find peace to this ending. Please pray for a miracle.

Love, Kristen & Eli

Cancelled

2011-01-05T12:10:00.000-08:00

I just got the call from Dr. M.....my cycle is being cancelled. I am extremely sad and disappointed. I knew the good news wouldn't last long, its just my luck. This is harder then getting a negative pregnancy test.

Love, Kristen & Eli

Stim Day #10

2011-01-04T15:24:00.000-08:00

Today is Stimulation Day 10. I had an ultrasound and blood work yesterday and today. Not much has changed. The follicles are growing SLOW and my Estradiol level has fallen as a result of the decrease in medication Dr. M prescribed. Dr. M and the nurses all believe things are still going really well and I am "right on track". The nurse called this afternoon and told me Dr. M wants me to increase my Follistim back up tonight and he also wants me to take 75u of Menopur. I am getting nervous about the falling Estradiol level, hoping it rises with the increase in medication without hyperstimulating. In a past IUI cycle I had a falling Estradiol level and it never came back up, that cycle was cancelled. PLEASE say an extra prayer tonight, we don't want to cancel this cycle, we would be devastated. I will update tomorrow after my appointment.

Love, Kristen & Eli

IVF Stim Day #8

2011-01-02T19:05:00.000-08:00

Today was Stim Day #8. I had another ultrasound and blood draw this morning at the Minneapolis clinic. I had the same number of follicles and they have gotten bigger and the smaller follicles are still there but have stayed small!!! I haven't been getting the results of my blood draws the last two appointments because of the holiday and the weekend. Tomorrow I should be able to find them out. The nurse said today that my body is responding like they expect it to respond, PERFECT!!! Things couldn't be going any better. Please keep praying its working!!! Thanks again for all your sweet messages, calls and words of encouragement I need them!!! I have another ultrasound and blood draw tomorrow. I think we are getting close to retrieval. Getting excited but nervous ;-/

Love, Kristen & Eli

IVF Stim Day #6

2010-12-31T12:57:00.000-08:00

Today is Stim Day #6! Time seems to be flying by! I had an ultrasound and blood draw yesterday and again today. There wasn't too much change in today's appointment vs. yesterday. My Estradiol level yesterday was 379 and I had some measurable follicles. I don't know my Estradiol level today, but I had 7 measurable follicles on the right and 6 measurable follicles on the left. That's 13 follicles!! I also have 20+ small ones on each side....but hopefully they stay small and don't start growing and make me overstimulate. Right now, everything is going perfect. The nurses don't believe I will have a problem with this cycle. Best news so far! The nurse did call this afternoon and said Dr. C wants me to start a third injection tomorrow. The third injection is a medication called Cetratide. Cetratide keeps me from ovulating on my own and holds all the follicles in my ovaries until another injection is given to release them. He also wants me to take 50iu of Follistim tomorrow night instead of 75iu. I go back on Sunday morning. Dr. C is following my care this week as Dr. M is on vacation.
I am really starting to feel my ovaries now. Sometimes painful, but most of the time a really "full"/bloating feeling. Not fun, but worth it in the end. Things seem to really be going well and we have only gotten good news so far......could this really be our ticket to success?? Can we really keep getting good news?? I can only hope...but still guarding my heart some. Please keep praying, its working!!

Love, Kristen & Eli

Stim Day 3

2010-12-28T20:14:00.001-08:00

Today is Day #3 of Stimulation Medications and so far they are going well. I haven't had any side effects or injection site problems. I had my first blood draw this morning,w hich was a day early. In most IVF cycles Dr. M doesn't have his patients come in until Day #4, but again, because they are watching me closely he had me come in today. My Estradiol level was 156. The nurse called and said that was a perfect level, as they like to see between 100 and 200 on Day #4! She said for now I will continue with the same medication and same amount. My next appointment is Thursday morning, ultrasound and blood draw. Keep praying for good news!
Thanks for all the prayers, encouragement and support from everyone! Your sweet phone calls, messages and caring words help so much! Love you all!

Love, Kristen & Eli

IVF Cycle #1

2010-12-23T22:02:00.000-08:00

We have officially started IVF Cycle #1......the first, and hopefully the last of our six potential cycles. Last Thursday I had my baseline ultrasound and was given the 'okay' to start stimulation medications today. The nurse practitioner who performed the ultrasound said my uterine lining looked good and my ovaries looked 'ready'. I took Menopur this morning and Follistim this evening. These injectable medications I have taken before, so I wasn't nervous starting them. Since I will be monitored closely, my first appointment is Tuesday and then almost every other day after that. For now, we just need to wait and pray. Wait for those eggies to grow and pray I don't get too many.
I can't believe this time is already here. I remember when they gave us this start date, seemed like forever away. I feel very blessed to be where I am right now, as I know many people who aren't as fortunate. We are that much closer to a miracle and the thought of that makes me so happy! Hope everyone had a great Christmas! I was going to share with you my favorite gift I received this year, however decided I will make a post about it another day. The gift is from my mom and has so much meaning to me. Hope everyone received a 'favorite' gift this year....

Love, Kristen & Eli

Getting Closer!!

2010-12-20T14:42:00.000-08:00

6 DAYS UNTIL I START MY STIM MEDS!!!

Next Sunday, December 26th, I start my first stim meds. We are getting excited and nervous....and this package I received today didn't help my anxiety!

I was overwhelmed to see all this medication I will be using for ONE IVF cycle. I knew it would be a lot, but I got a whole new perspective since it arrived. I am going to have to follow my medication chart closely so I don't forget to take any medication, as most are time and day sensitive. All of this will hopefully be worth it!

One of the reasons I am most worried is that Dr. Malo said that the stimulation process for me would be the hardest part of IVF because of my past with Hyperstimulation. If we start this cycle and it is cancelled as a result of Hyperstimulation it is counted as one of our "tries". I would be devastated. Please pray that things work the way they should and my body responds just right to the medications.

My baseline ultrasound and blood draw is scheduled for this Thursday at 9:00am. Hopefully, things look good and we get the okay to start on Sunday. I also take my last birth control on Thursday, looking forward to that. This is all becoming so surreal as it gets closer, I can't believe its finally here. I am trying to stay positive and not think negative, some days are better then others. I am so used to disappointment in the past, that its hard to stay positive. Please pray I stay strong and send positive energy my way. I start acupuncture tomorrow to help with some relaxation and to stay centered. I will update tomorrow on how it goes.

Hope all is well with everyone and you are getting ready for Christmas! Its coming up fast!

Love, Kristen & Eli

Ready to Move on

2010-12-04T22:43:00.000-08:00

21 DAYS UNTIL I START MY STIM MEDS!!!

( Not that I am counting or anything ;-)

People have asked for an update....but there really isn't any new updates at this point. I am still on birth control, which has screwed up my body. It makes me nauseated and have horrible headaches. I also have been constantly bleeding/spotting and cramping since I started taking them....but apparently that is normal ?? Took it for 10 years before and I never had those symptoms, but whatever. Still on Metformin, which makes me sicker then the BC pills. Diarrhea.....diarrhea....and yep more diarrhea....every time I eat. So much fun! It also makes me nauseated and vomit. I told Eli I will be so prepared to be pregnant and have "morning sickness"! Sucks....but I know all of this will be so worth it someday. I have also started taking a Prenatal since the RE nurse suggested it, those too make me nauseated! I feel like its never ending with the nausea.... As a result of all the nausea, diarrhea and vomiting I have felt like I have turned into a "neglecting wife". I never want to eat anymore, and food usually makes me sick so I haven't been making dinner...at all. Eli has noticed, but some days I just can't bear looking at food let alone cook it. I know he is understanding though. He feels bad I have been so sick. On the plus side I have to buy a new belt because mine is on the smallest notch and its too big! Not the best way to diet, but I can't help it. The next 21 days can't come soon enough I am ready to move on. I hope 2011 is going to bring good things ;-)

Love, Kristen & Eli

Nurse Consultation

2010-11-19T16:11:00.000-08:00

Last Thursday, we had our nurse consultation appointment with one of the nurses from Dr. M's office. The appointment was needed to go over any questions we had and to sign two different contracts. One contract talked about the process of IVF and what to expect. The other contract was the cryopreservation of embryos consent. That consent was a little harder to sign, since it wasn't just a signature it involved answering some difficult questions, that I never even imagined I would have to make. We had to decide what we would do in different situations if we had frozen embryos. For example; what would we want done with our frozen embryos if I die? If Eli dies? If we get divorced? These questions were hard to answer. Those frozen embryos, if we have any, will basically be our "babies". It was not easy to decide what you would do with them. After some discussion we decided what we would do in each situation, well I did most of the deciding, Eli trusted my decisions :-)
The last part of the consultation was going over the medications that I will be taking. I was completely overwhelmed. I had no idea how much medication was actually involved in this whole process. I was given a chart with each medication listed on a day and time. Everyday involves a different medication at a different time and most medications are time sensitive! I am going to have to pay close attention! Here is a list of most of the medications:
*Menopur
*Follistim
*Cetracide
*Valium
*HCG
*Tetracycline
*Z-Pak
*Vivelle Patches
*Progesterone in Oil
*Lupron

Most of them are injectable medications, so I hope I don't end up with cellulitis like I have in the past. After the nurse described all the medications Eli said "Is that ALL she has to take?" and "Is that even safe for her?". Already worrying about me :-) Love that guy!
This consultation appointment was the last thing on the "preparation list". So now, we wait until December 26th when I start my first stimulation injection! I don't want to wish away the holidays since I love this time of year, but I can't wait to get started!
Hope everyone has a great Thanksgiving! I can't wait for Thanksgiving and of course Black Friday!!!

Love, Kristen & Eli

Confirmation

2010-11-16T18:07:00.001-08:00

I got this email today!!

November 16, 2010
Kristen Wolfe
Elijah Wolfe
(Address)

Dear Kristen and Elijah:

Thank you for your participation in the Attain® IVF Program. This letter shall serve as confirmation that IntegraMed received $21,700.00 on 11/16/2010 as payment in full for your participation in the Program.

This payment will cover up to three stimulated IVF cycles and three frozen embryo transfers as necessary to achieve one pregnancy that results in the birth of a take home baby. Please refer to your participation agreement for Program details. Center for Reproductive Medicine - Minnesota will not issue you any additional receipt for services covered under this Program, as they will not be billing you directly for those services.
Please feel free to call me toll free at 1.866.YOUR.IVF with any questions. Thank you again for your participation in the Attain IVF Program.

Tammy Scott
Attain® IVF Program
Client Relations Representative
1-866-YOUR-IVF

Yes!! One more step closer!

Love, Kristen & Eli

SIS and Trial Transfer

2010-11-10T12:14:00.000-08:00

I had my Saline Infusion Sonogram and Trial Transfer on Wednesday. The whole procedure took about 10-15 minutes. Dr. M did the Trial Transfer first. He took the same tube that they would insert the embryos with and did a trial. This test detects if there is a bend in the cervix or if it is straight, so that on the actual transfer date they don't have trouble inserting the embryos. Dr. M said that mine went right in! So good news there! Second he did the Saline Infusion Sonogram. A speculum was placed and my cervix was washed with betadine. Next, he inserted a similar, but smaller, tube as the trial transfer into the cervix and into the uterus. The speculum was removed and an ultrasound probe inserted. Saline was injected through the catheter and into the uterine cavity. The saline distends the uterine cavity and allowed Dr. M to take pictures of my uterus from the inside. The test detects polyps, fibriods, endometrial adhesions and more. Dr. M took about 6 pictures of my uterus. He didn't see any abnormalities or anything concerning! Good news there too! However, he did state that my uterus had an "indent" on the top but we already knew that from the Hysterosalpingogram I had about a year ago. The "indent" doesn't mean anything, Dr. M said that I was born with my uterus like that. Dr. M called it an Arcuate Uterus. It won't affect getting pregnant or keeping a pregnancy. Although, he did say he would make a note of it for the embryo transfer so that whoever does the procedure doesn't place the embryos on the top of my uterus.

Normal Uterus on Ultrasound

Arcuate Uterus (Close as I could find!)

Our next appointment is scheduled for next Thursday. We have an IVF nurse consult. This is where we will be going over our IVF contract and she will discuss more in detail. Please keep praying for us! Thanks so much for all your support!

Love, Kristen & Eli

A Hamster Baby ?!?!

2010-11-06T20:31:00.000-07:00

There is so much "preparing" that comes with the start of IVF. Tests, blood work, appointments, consultations etc. Sometimes it feels never ending! Eli has been such a trooper through all of it and has been more then willing to do what he has to do to prepare. One of the tests that he had to do recently was a Sperm Penetration Assay. A PSA is a test that measures the number of sperm that are able penetrate an egg for fertilization. It is a routine test for those preparing for IVF as it determines the need for ICSI or not. ICSI, or Intra Cytoplasmic Sperm Injection, is a procedure that includes the injection of one single sperm into an egg that assists in fertilization. ICSI is used when there is male factor infertility including low sperm count, sperm motility less then 35% and/or poor sperm morphology.

I bet your thinking where does a hamster play in all this?!?! Its actually pretty funny! To perform the test they take a sperm sample and put it together in a petri dish or test tube along with a hamster egg!!!! They watch under a microscope to see what the sperm do around an egg. So last week, Eli's sperm were hooking up with a hamster egg! We thought it was pretty funny! The test came back at 100% penetration, the sperm knew what to do on their own. They also did a sperm count and it was amazingly high at 400 million active sperm! Great news all around, no ICSI for us! Thank god! When I called Eli with the results he said "so we have a hamster baby coming?!?!" So glad he can find humor in all of this! Makes this stressful journey a lot easier on us!

This Wednesday I have some tests that need to be done and next week we have a nurse consult where we will go over and sign our IVF contract! Wednesday I will be having a Saline Sonogram and a Trial Transfer. Both tests can cause a lot of cramping :-( so please think of me and pray for minimal to no cramping! I will update Wednesday after the tests!

Love, Kristen & Eli

The Start to our IVF Journey

2010-11-02T15:00:00.000-07:00

WOW!! I can't believe how many responses I got back from people who want to continue to follow our journey! I feel so blessed and I'm in awe of all the support. Thank you! I also want to ask those who I invited to continue to follow that nothing be said about my blog. You can talk to me about it but PLEASE no one else. There are reasons why I chose to make my blog private and there are reasons why I didn't invite some to continue reading. Please don't talk about it to family members, Eli, co-workers etc. Please respect our wishes! Thank you!

Okay, lets start from the beginning. For the last couple of months Eli and I had been trying to find a loan or some form of financing for IVF. We were having a difficult time and were getting turned down loan after loan. The economy has made it almost impossible for one to get approved for any type of loan! I had basically given up hope that we would find the right financing option and had it in my head we would just have to wait and save the full amount. I was feeling a little sad about this, I just wanted to start IVF, I felt like we had waited long enough. Well we don't have to wait anymore, it all changed thanks to my amazing husband. A couple of weeks ago Eli came home with two dozen roses and a card. Inside the card was a check for the amount we needed to pursue our IVF dream. I fell into his arms and cried and cried and cried. Next to the day I married this wonderful man, this was the best day of my life! I asked him when we could start. His response, whenever you are ready. Ready! I have been ready for the past 3 years! The next day I made the confident call to Dr. M's office and we started our process!

Our first step was meeting with Dr. M, which we already did. We met with him a couple of Fridays ago where he talked about the process of IVF, the risks, the benefits and answered any and all questions/concerns that we had, honestly. We went over so many things. He said that the hardest part for me will be the stimulation part of the cycle. The goal of IVF is to get about 1-2 dozen eggs mature with out hyperstimulating. Since I have hyperstimulated in the past he was a little concerned about it. He said on average 90% of people get through the stim part just fine. We just need to make sure I am monitored closely and the dosages of stim meds are adjusted accordingly. This makes me slightly nervous, but hopefully I will be a part of that 90%! We talked about a lot of other things, that I will make a post about sometime soon. Its just too much for this update!

My next step was to jump start a period with Provera. They checked to make sure I wasn't pregnant and also tested to see if I had ovulated since my last period in July. No I wasn't pregnant. No I hadn't ovulated. As frustrating as that was to hear, I was ready to start the Provera. I took it for 10 days and 1-2 days following started a period. Three days later started birth control, which I am still currently on. I will be on birth control until sometime in December. At our meeting with Dr. M he said I would be on them for about 6-8 weeks. I was aiming for 6 weeks bringing us to the second week in December.....which I later found out wouldn't work. The Dr.'s take a 3 week "break" from IVF in December. Of course! My luck! What would this journey be without any bumps in the road, right? So, I start stim meds December 26th and our estimated transfer date is January 4-11th, 2011 ! It feels so good to finally have a date! There are still some tests we have to do before then, both Eli and I. Eli has had some of his done and I have mine scheduled.

This is all becoming so surreal and we couldn't be happier! After our meeting with Dr. M, Eli hugged and kissed me in the parking lot and said "We are going to have a baby". Best feeling in the world!!

Love, Kristen & Eli

I need your email !!

2010-10-27T20:31:00.000-07:00

I can't believe the amount of people who want to continue to read our blog! I am thrilled! Please remember to leave me your email address, otherwise I can't add you. There have been interest by some who haven't left an email, so please do! Thanks again for everyone's support! As soon as I get everyone's email I will be making our blog private, LOTS of news to share already!

Love, Kristen & Eli

Going Private

2010-10-25T14:01:00.000-07:00

I have decided to make my blog private. With all that is coming up, I would like our journey of IVF to be private and available only to those who we choose. If you would like to continue to follow my blog I will add your email to my list. Please email, facebook me or leave a comment on here with your email address in the next couple of weeks and I will add you! Thanks for every one's support! As we get closer we are getting SO excited!!

Love, Kristen & Eli

Garage Sale/Future Plans

2010-10-18T20:05:00.000-07:00

WOW, we are so blessed!! The Garage Sale was a hit and we made around $2,000.00!! We were so surprised and couldn't believe it. Thank you to everyone who helped us with the sale and for helping us bring our dream closer to reality! We love you and thank you for your support, it is much appreciated!
On another note, Eli and I have decided to start IVF VERY soon. However, with that I have contemplated whether or not to continue to blog. I just feel like there is so much more to IVF and if we do get pregnant we might not want to share right away. I also have the option of making my blog private, but I am still so undecided. I will let you know and if your interested in continuing to read my blog I will add you to the list.
Hope everyone is well. Thanks again so much!!

Love, Kristen & Eli

Garage Sale/Benefit

2010-08-29T19:29:00.001-07:00

Nothing much has changed over the past month. We are still trying to save money until we have at least half the amount to cover IVF. We have set up a separate savings account titled "Baby". I have been speechless and in awe of the things Eli has done to help us save and cut costs of things. He traded the Harley in for another Harley that has a cheaper monthly payment, sold his trailer, traded the truck in for a decrease in monthly payment, gets a small coffee each morning instead of a large and much more! (I will never get him to stop with the coffee so that is HUGE!) He has always supported me in my IVF choice, but now its like he wants to do it too and he is a different person about the whole subject. I love it and I love him that much more for trying hard to make this happen for us!!
We have also been asked by many if we are going to have a benefit or how they can help. It was mentioned to me by a family member that we should do a garage sale and whatever we make will go into our "baby" account. She said she recently went to a garage sale where the proceeds were going to a family trying to raise money for IVF and she donated just because of the cause. I liked that idea better then a benefit so we are going to do it. I have tried to spread the word to friends and family. We are asking if anyone has ANYTHING they want to get rid of and would be willing to donate it to our sale we would greatly appreciate it! We don't want people to feel obligated to donate. We are only asking for stuff you would most likely get rid of to goodwill or somewhere else. Please let me know by email or message on here if you have thing(s) to donate. If could be one item or a bunch of stuff. I will either pick up from your house or you are welcome to drop anything off at my house at anytime. We will be having the sale at the end of September so you have time! Again DO NOT feel obligated. I am so excited about this whole thing!!
Hope everyone is having a great summer as it is coming to an end too quickly!

Love, Kristen & Eli

Acceptance!

2010-07-14T02:26:00.000-07:00

I got the call on Friday that we got accepted!!! AMAZING!!!! Finally some relief and good news in this crazy journey. Although we won't be starting right away, I can see in the future and it doesn't stress me out anymore because we have a plan and its almost guaranteed! The labs we used are good for six months, so the acceptance is good for six months. I hope to start in that time frame, hopefully sooner rather then later! Now to save $25,000.....anyone have any ideas how we can do that......fast!!!!

Love, Kristen & Eli

Day 3 Labs

2010-07-06T09:02:00.000-07:00

Finally, AF showed up on Saturday, of course when we were camping, but whatever its here! So, yesterday I had Day 3 labs drawn. I was super excited to get everything sent in and wait and hear that I got accepted, until I talked with the nurse today about my labs. The two hormones they check are indicators of ovarian reserve, or in other words how well your ovaries are to stimulate. My FSH level was 5.1 which is under 6 and anything under 6 is considered excellent. However, my Estradiol level was 65, which is concerning. The nurse said its an okay number for them, but isn't sure what Attain's cut off is. The normal range is 25-75 and levels on the lower end tend to be better for stimulating. Levels on the higher end may indicate an existence of a functional cyst or diminished ovarian reserve. My heart dropped after she told me this. We HAVE to get accepted. This is our last chance at anything, we will not pay for cycles one by one without the money back guarantee. Please keep your fingers crossed that Attain will over look that number and base my acceptance on past cycles. We will know in 24-48 hours. This is going to be one LONG wait for us.

Love, Kristen & ELi

Big Step

2010-06-23T01:41:00.000-07:00

We are getting ready to make a BIG step forward in this infertility journey of ours. My husband has decided we can do IVF....THIS YEAR!!! I was speechless when he told me, all I could do was hug and kiss him a million times over. Even though we are ready there are a couple of other things that need to fall into place; we need to save up some money as we want to put at least half down (1/2 way there already!!) and we need to be accepted into the Attain IVF program.

Once we decided on doing IVF, there was NO question that we would do the Attain program. This is a program that offers 6 potential IVF cycles, 3 fresh and 3 frozen with a money back guarantee. You pay the small fee of $21,700 and you are basically guaranteed a baby or you get 100% of your money back. However, its a program you have to be accepted into. So, right now I am currently inducing a period with Provera. As soon as AF arrives I will be getting a baseline ultrasound and will have Day 3 labs drawn. The results of that and all other past cycles will be sent to Attain. They will review it and will let me know within 48 hours if we are accepted or not. Please pray that we are!! I can't see paying for IVF any other way.

My husband and I have also talked about maybe trying just one more cycle of gonadotropins and IUIs.....but we are still undecided. IVF is SO expensive I think we both want to make sure we absolutely have to do it to have our miracle.

I have also been considering making my blog private. There have been some issues with people who read my blog and my facebook. Everything I write on here comes from me, NOT ELI. So if you have any questions about my blog, what you read, what you see etc. CALL ME, NOT ELI. He gets so irritated when people ask him things about the blog or MY facebook. This is our private life and is blogged about for my personal satisfaction and as a way to keep people updated. It is certainly not made for people to gossip about, make judgements about and to be talked about all the time. Please consider this, thank you!

I will update when I hopefully have good news about being accepted! Until then I will wait for AF to make her lovely appearance!

Love, Kristen

Rock Bottom

2010-05-23T18:16:00.000-07:00

I have been so strong these last 4 months. Enjoying our break and relaxing, but lately I've hit rock bottom, again. I've cried, exaggerated everyday ailments into a maybe pregnancy symptom, criticized those with children in public under my breath, cried some more, felt bad for myself, gotten mad at my husband for no reason, and yes, cried even more. I don't know what brought all this on, but whatever did I hope it takes it away really soon. This sucks. Feeling this way sucks. I just want to be happy. I want to be the one who has a "I'm pregnant" facebook status, I want to be the one with the big belly, with the monthly ultrasound pictures, I want to be the one to know and find the love of a child, I want this more then anything. But I can't have any of it and it just doesn't' seem fair.
Please pray that this state of mind doesn't last long.

Love, Kristen

Failed Blogger!

2010-05-11T17:26:00.000-07:00

I have decided I am a failed blogger. I just can't find the time to update! It seems like every time I sit and decide to write, I get pulled away doing other things! So, I am going to update a lot in this one!
Lets see where to start...

The last weekend in April we went Vegas!! I couldn't rant and rave about it before hand, because it was a surprise for my sister's 30th Birthday. She didn't know we were all going until she got to the airport and we were all waiting there. By all I mean, family and friends, I think there was 14 of us! It was such a great surprise and we had an awesome time! We stayed at the Hard Rock Hotel and partied with many celebrities including, Paris and Nikki Hilton and Lil' Jon! And while we were there I got my first TATTOO!!! It hurt like Hell, but I became addicted and already want another one!!

Waiting...SO SCARED!!

Tattoo Artist getting ready....

The Outline...marker only....

And he starts....Holding my husband's and brother's hands

Color

I don't have a picture of the finished product...I don't want to take one now because its healing and looks horrible. When it looks healed and stops peeling I will add a picture! I have to give credit to the tattoo artist who did it. He did such an amazing job, it looks like its air brushed on. People have even asked me if it real! I got the tattoo done in our hotel at Hart & Huntington. They are a more famous place, even have their own show!!

And some more good news came out of this Vegas trip. I was relaxing so much that my body decided to do some things on its own and I got a period!! Bad timing while on vacation, but who cares. I did nothing to bring it on, so hopefully it will continue. I was going to start taking my temps, BUT decided against it thanks from the advice from my good friend Amy! I am on a break and I will do NOTHING fertility related on my break. If you start doing things like that, then it just gives you a reminder everyday and you never get away from it. I don't need any reminders, I just need to relax and enjoy this time!

Last week, May 3rd, Eli and I had our 2 year Anniversary! I can't believe it has been two years already. It has gone by so fast! I love you Babe, thanks for everything you do. You are an amazing man and my very best friend. I love you with all of my heart! Hugs & Kisses and Happy Anniversary! I did work on our Anniversary, but came home to 2 dozen roses! I am so lucky!!

Well, that's most of what I wanted to update on! I am still going to try and be a better blogger, but for now I have failed!! Sorry!!

Love,

Kristen

Consult Appointment

2010-04-22T07:55:00.000-07:00

A little update from last Friday:

I had been contemplating over having the ovarian drilling done since the idea was brought up to me. Last week I called Dr. Malo's office and asked if I could get more information on the surgery. The nurse stated that Dr. Malo doesn't perform that type of surgery himself, and that I should talk to my primary doctor. So I called Dr. Baram's office and he said he wanted me to make an appointment with him so we could talk about it, said it was a confusing subject. My appointment with him was last Friday. We went over some of the things I have done and then talked about the future. He said he isn't totally against the surgery and would do it but agrees with Dr. Malo; if we have the money and opportunity to do IVF than do that instead. He said there isn't really much information on the surgery and really no good evidence to back it up. He said they used to do ovarian wedge resections all the time, which is similar, but they don't perform that surgery much anymore because of complications.
I left the appointment with a definite answer about what I would do. No more going back and forth contemplating. I will NOT be having the surgery done. We will just wait until we have the opportunity to do IVF. I feel good about this choice and glad I seen my primary doctor about this and got his opinion.
In the mean time we aren't stopping trying to get pregnant we just aren't doing any treatments, so keep praying for that miracle!

Love, Kristen & Eli

Love you Babe!

2010-04-12T02:37:00.000-07:00

Thanks for everything you do for me lijah! I love you more that words can say. I thank my lucky stars at night that I have you in my life. You are amazing and I'm so glad you are mine. Love you lots!

Love, your wife

Trying Harder

2010-04-08T22:30:00.000-07:00

I am horrible at keeping up with my blog! I am sorry! I know people have asked for me to keep up with it better, and I am going to try! Since not much is going on in our "fertility world" I will update on other things happening in our lives!

We are still on our 'break' from everything, still going good. Spoiling ourselves in other ways right now. Eli bought a brand new Harley and has been spending much time on that. I love that spring/summer is coming but I never see my husband around this time of year. Is it weird to be jealous of a bike?? Ha! I on the other hand just got a brand new vehicle! I wanted something bigger then a car, thinking about our future :) So thanks to my lovely husband who spoils me rotten, I got a brand new 2010 fully loaded Ford Edge! I absolutely LOVE it!

Of course I had to get white. I have always had white vehicles, I didn't want to venture out and try something new now would I?? Not like me!

Love, Kristen

??Confused??

2010-03-07T17:08:00.000-08:00

Most have asked us whats next?? Well, we are not sure and we don't even have that answer yet. I had a consultation with Dr. Malo about 2.5 weeks ago and asked the same thing "whats next?". He gave me three options:

Continue with injections and IUIs for a couple of more cycles
Go through a procedure/surgery called Ovarian Drilling
Invitro Fertilization

Eli and I talked and decided we are done with injections and IUIs. We did 7 cycles and although they were not all "good" cycles with "good" chances for a pregnancy we emotionally have gone through 7 cycles and that is enough.

Do we do ovarian drilling?? Its a surgery that involves a laser or cautery that makes holes into the ovaries to drain some of the cysts. Its practiced all the time in Europe and about 80% of the time it works, making you "Suzy Q regular" with regular periods, cycles and ovulation. And the other 20% of the time it does nothing and you waste your time on surgery that could potentially not work. It can also form scar tissue on the ovaries, adding another thing to the "list" of what is hindering my fertility. It would be good if it worked, but what if it didn't??

Then there is IVF, which costs A LOT of money, but is almost guaranteed to work and give us a baby.

We have a lot to decide on and we aren't really in any hurry. We are both enjoying this "break" and time with each other. For the last two years, the first 2 years of our marriage, we have been consumed with trying to have a baby. We haven't had time for each other or time to "be married". We had originally thought we would do IVF this August but now not so sure. Eli is having a hard time with spending the money and doesn't want to do it. Its not just the money but many other things as well. He says he misses his wife, the one he married. He misses having fun with me and not worrying month to month if we are pregnant or not. He misses me and wants me back. He knows how bad I want a baby and is willing to do IVF someday. I want us both to be ready and both feel its the right thing. He knows I will do it and is okay with that. Right now we can't put a date on it or a time limit. We need to concentrate on our marriage and mend the broken things that have happened already going through this difficult journey. Please continue to pray for us as we struggle through this thing called LIFE....

Love, Kristen & Eli

Stress Free

2010-02-09T14:07:00.000-08:00

Things have been going well. This break has been good for me mentally and physically. I have lost over 10 lbs and have been a lot less stressful which feels like 50 lbs!! Eli and I have been staying pretty busy. He went to Wyoming for a week recently and I will be leaving next week for Florida. Its nice to be able to do what we want and go where we want, not having to worry about when we need to be home or at the doctor's office. During infertility treatments you feel like you have no control over your life. Having control back has been great! I will be going to Florida with my family; mom, grandma and aunt. We went last year and had an amazing time. I cherish every moment I get to spend with family, they mean the world to me. Last year I was on a 2 week wait and doing suppositories twice a day so I wasn't really able to relax. This year I WILL be relaxing and enjoying myself and I will even be able to have a few drinks this time around :)
I still haven't gotten a period yet so Dr. Malo does want me to take Provera to bring one on. He said it was important that I take Provera every 30-40 days to get a period. Waiting too long isn't healthy. I was in on Friday for a diagnostic ultrasound because I have been having left sided ovarian pain. The ultrasound showed a fluid filled cyst on my left tube. They ruled out a tubal pregnancy and took other blood work. Things seem to be okay, but they will check again after I get a period to see if it has resolved on its own.
As far as future plans....we really don't have any right now. I hope to be doing IVF by Fall but life and fertility are hard to plan, so we will see what happens. Right now we are focusing on each other and taking one day at a time! Keep praying for us!

Love, Kristen & Eli

New Year, New Me!

2010-01-02T22:00:00.000-08:00

Happy New Year!! We have been so busy with all of the holidays I haven't had time to update my blog. Although we are not actively doing fertility treatments I would like to still update my blog on our family and life!
After our last fertility treatment the nurse instructed me to take Provera to get a period as soon as possible, not to have sex because of the possibility of getting pregnant on my own with that many eggs. Well, being the compliant patient that I am I didn't take the Provera right away....however we did not get pregnant. But one amazing thing happened, I GOT MY PERIOD ON MY OWN. Not with any medications, not after and ovulation induction, simply on my own. I have NEVER in my life gotten a period on my own. Hopefully, it will continue. I have started keeping track of my cycles to see what my body does on its own. Maybe the Metformin is starting to work ??? Whatever it is I hope it continues. This whole taking a break thing hasn't been so bad. I am actually liking it. Not having to go to the doctor, worry about taking an injection everyday, worrying and stressing if this month will be our month and I have felt "lighter" and more stress free lately. Although, I still do have my moments. The last one being yesterday at my mom's for New Years...to many pregnant people talking about their pregnancy....even though I am so so happy for them, its just plain hard listening to it when you want to be in their shoes so badly. No one would understand unless they have gone through it.
We hope everyone had a wonderful Christmas and wish everyone good health and happiness in 2010!!

Love, Kristen & Eli

Update

2009-12-11T08:29:00.000-08:00

Things are working! Thank god! My estrogen level was over 500 yesterday and I have 2 follicles growing at the same rate. Now if only we can get them to continue to grow at the same rate and mature together! The estrogen level is what I am so excited about. Even though the follicles only measured around 11.0 the estrogen level tells us that they, or one, are going to continue to grow. Sometimes you see the results in the estrogen before you see the growth in the follicle(s). I am back down to taking 112.5 of Menopur and go back for another ultrasound on Saturday morning in Minneapolis. I am hoping things will be ready by Monday and we will be doing IUI Monday or Tuesday. Please continue to pray that things keep growing and keep us in your hearts as this will be our last round of injections and IUIs. Thank you.

Love, Kristen & Eli

Follicle Study #3

2009-12-07T20:34:00.001-08:00

Things are still going VERY slow. My estrogen level today was 89. Glad it is still rising and not falling. There were multiple small follicles again, but none have grown since last time. Today Dr. Malo increased my dose from 112.5 to 150. Hopefully that will help! My next appointment is Thursday, pray there is change!

Love, Kristen & Eli

Follicle Study 2

2009-12-04T20:47:00.000-08:00

My second follicle study was changed to today instead of Saturday. I was hoping for some good change, but there wasn't really any change. Multiple small follicles still and none that have started to "take off". I am to continue with my same medication dosages and have my next study on Monday. Hopefully by then there will be some change. It seems like things are going slower this time. However, I should know by now that my body reacts different every cycle even if its the same medication. Pray for change on Monday and continue to pray to god and let him know its okay now to give us our miracle, we are waiting and more then ready!

Kristen & Eli

Follicle Study 1

2009-12-02T21:10:00.000-08:00

I had my first follicle study for this cycle on Tuesday. There wasn't much change, not much growing, just multiple small follicles. Dr. Malo increased my medication and I will now be taking 112.5mg instead of 75mg of Menopur a day. Hopefully that will stimulate some more growth. My next follicle study is Saturday. Please say an extra prayer for us this cylce as it will be our last cylce of injections.

Love, Kristen & Eli

Much Needed Update...

2009-11-27T19:39:00.000-08:00

So sorry for the 'late' update. This week has been crazy busy!
Last Friday late afternoon I got the call from Dr. Malo's office that yes, the pregnancy test was negative. Even though I was very upset I was surprised at how calm and collected I felt when I was talking to the nurse practitioner. Each time we go through this I think somehow the dissapointment gets, not easier, but more routine.
On Sunday, I got my period. Waited for 3 days and had my baseline ultrasound on Tuesday or Day 3. For the most part things looked good. However, there was an unusual spot on my right ovary and was somewhat concerning to the nurse practitioner. She said it looked like signs of ovulation and most likely it meant nothing but wanted to make sure. She explained that the eggs are grown in 'follicles' which resemble blisters. Once ovulation occurs the 'blisters' or follicles burst and release the egg. Those follicle usually return to normal, however they can sometimes fill with fluid or blood and form a blood clot. They can also sometimes produce estrogen. So, I had my blood drawn to make sure it wasn't producing estrogen. If it was, my body would not react to the injections and would need to be put on birth control for 2 weeks. I prayed all day hoping this wouldn't postpone the cycle and god must of heard my prayer because we got good news! It wasn't producing estrogen and so on Tuesday I started another round, most likely our last round ever, of injections. This time Dr. Malo wants to be more aggressive and try and produce more then one mature follicle. Hoping this works and that Oviarian Hyperstimulation doesn't occur. My first follicle study ultrasound is next Tuesday, hoping there is good change. Please continue to pray as this is our last attempt at getting pregnant with 'medical help' for quite some time.
Hope everyone had a great Thanksgiving with family and/or friends. I know we have so much to be thankful for!

Love, Kristen & Eli

Bittersweet

2009-11-20T11:46:00.000-08:00

Today will be a bittersweet day as I sit and wait for the nurse from Dr. Malo's office to call. I had my blood drawn this morning for a pregnancy test, but I already know the answer. We tested at home yesterday. Our hearts are heavy.

Love, Kristen & Eli Wolfe

Laugh

2009-11-13T13:59:00.000-08:00

Just thought I'd share with you a funny thing my husband said to me today. We were talking about when I could test and he said he was anxious to know and then said "Well can't you just take a first responder?" So funny, so cute, he has no clue :)

Love, Kristen & Eli

Update

2009-11-12T22:07:00.000-08:00

Things didn't go as planned on Tuesday. I didn't make it to acupuncture instead I had to stay home in bed all day as orders from Dr. Malo. I woke up Tuesday morning with mild symptoms of OHSS (Ovarian Hyperstimulation Syndrome); nausea, bloating, PAIN in both of my ovaries and vomiting. I wasn't too concerned at first because it wasn't anything like the time I was hospitalized. However, since I now know the severity of OHSS I decided to call the clinic and tell them. They were concerned because of how fast I went from mild to serve in April, so they wanted me on strict bed rest until all symptoms were gone. I laid low most of Tuesday and felt better by Wednesday. Thank god it didn't turn into something worse!

Otherwise, I have been feeling fine. Lots of cramping and boobs so sore it hurts to put a bra on...but those are side affects NOT symptoms. I am on so much progesterone hormone to keep the lining of my uterus good that I have much stronger side affects this time. I would like to say they are symptoms of a pregnancy but can't. My blood pregnancy test isn't until the 23rd but I may test at home in the next week.

Other then those updates nothing is new. I have been doing a lot of relaxing and trying to keep my body healthy and stress free. We haven't been talking about it much and just not worrying about the outcome. Its been a pretty stress free cycle and I like it, and I know Eli does too! We WILL have a baby one day, but its up to god to choose which day. Keep praying!

Love, Kristen & Eli

Update

2009-11-09T13:56:00.000-08:00

The insemination on Saturday at the Minneapolis clinic went well! I was so glad the nurse was very nice and did a great job of explaining and answering any questions. So now, we just wait. The long and dreaded 2 week wait. I go in for a pregnancy test 2 weeks from today, Monday. Please continue to pray, this just has to be our month. Please god, please.

In the past I have had bleeding before the 2 week wait was over, so they are calling that a luteal phase defect. To help prevent that this time I am on two different medications that i started yesterday. The nurse practitioner who prescribed them said they are the same medication that they use with those going through Invitro. The one medication is called Vivelle dots. They are medication patches that go on my lower abdomen and continuously give progesterone. I will change them every 3 days. I was afraid they would fall off during shower, baths etc. but they haven't come off at all. The other medication is called Endometrium. It is a long skinny pill that is inserted vaginally. Its just like the progesterone suppositories I did in the past and yes they are super annoying. Especially since I have to do them twice a day! They will be so worth it though! Hopefully these medications will help with the luteal phase defect. They will keep my uterine lining thick and make a good home for an embryo to attach :) One of the things that is concerning with a luteal phase defect is miscarriage, when the uterine lining isn't good enough to keep a pregnancy. I also did acupuncture yesterday, Sunday. It hurt a little more this time, especially in my ears. Those are the worst spots! I am going to continue to do acupuncture and my next appointment is tomorrow at noon. Hoping she will forget about my ears :)

Love, Kristen & Eli

My body is ready...am I ?

2009-11-04T17:09:00.000-08:00

Yesterday I had my third ultrasound. There are some new follicles and ones that were there before have disappeared. I have one "almost" mature follicle on my right that measures 1.67 and the two that were on my left seem to be gone. The nurse practitioner that did my ultrasound couldn't get a clear view of my left ovary, so there may be some follicles she missed on that side. She said its normal for follicles to disappear, especially when you are on a low dose and slow paced follicle stimulation plan like I have been on. Last night was the last injection of Menopur and tonight, between 5:00pm-7:00pm, I will be giving myself the Ovidrel injection to make me ovulate. I will be having two inseminations, one Friday morning and one Saturday morning. I'm not looking forward to having the one on Saturday as it will be at the Minneapolis clinic, I was hoping that wouldn't happen. I am trying to have a positive outlook on this cycle, staying positive and relaxed. I'm not sure what our plan will be after this cycle, right now it is to take one day at a time. Eli seems a little more relaxed with cycle as well. We haven't been talking about it all the time which helps. Please pray hard for us in the next couple of days. All prayers I got for this cycle seemed to help, all of the little follicles in my ovaries didn't grow!! So keep praying!!
This time I am also going to incorporate natural medicine/Traditional Chinese Medicine, acupuncture. I have had a lot of people email me with suggestions to try acupuncture. I did some research and found a clinic in Bloomington that insurance will cover. Here is some info about acupuncture and PCOS;
Acupuncture is a 3,000 year-old traditional form of Chinese medicine used to promote health and treat disorders. It involves the use of very fine, sterile, disposable stainless steel needles placed at selected acupuncture points.
The practice of acupuncture is based on the understanding that a vital energy called "Qi" flows along pathways or meridians throughout the body. Each pathway is associated with a particular physiological system and internal organ. Acupuncture allows Qi to flow to areas where it is deficient and away from where it is in excess. If Qi is blocked or obstructed in its flow, pain or dysfunction may occur.
Acupuncture regulates and restores the harmonious energetic balance of the body, causing pain or illness to be resolved. Acupuncture points are places along the meridians near the body's surface where Qi can be manipulated by the insertion of acupuncture needles.
There are hundreds of acupuncture points and each point has a predictable therapeutic effect. Problems can be addressed by needling points close to and distant from the problem being treated, because the meridians run throughout the body.

Upon insertion of an acupuncture needle, people may experience varying sensations, ranging from no pain at all, to a slight pinch, a feeling of heaviness, warmth or possibly tingling and an electric sensation. The needles are retained for 20-45 minutes and people often become deeply relaxed and sometimes even fall asleep. After needle removal, you may feel energized, sleepy or lighter. You may notice immediate improvement of your symptoms.
Acupuncture provides a safe, effective, drug-free and natural approach, strengthens and balances all systems of the body, and assists our own internal energies to restore endocrine harmony encouraging conception and a healthy pregnancy.
Acupuncture emphasizes holistic care. PCOS is a very complex disorder and due to multiple hormonal imbalances. The abnormalities in the ovary are really more the result of the whole body’s dysfunction, not the cause. Currently this disorder is not well understood, so there is no single solution to reverse PCOS or assess all the symptoms. However, you can certainly choose acupuncture as a holistic medicine along with a healthy diet to improve your overall health – as a way of achieving better emotional balance and well-being, regulated periods, enriched sleep, and greater energy. Optimizing a general sense of well-being definitely influences the body’s internal hormones, chemicals and metabolisms, which in turn effectively minimize and eliminate numerous factors in the processes of PCOS.
Acupunture treats the underlying, root causes of conditions. PCOS is one of the major leading causes of infertility. Recently conventional medicine has not had a great deal of success in treating PCOS and infertility. The most popular form of treatment is with the use of ovulation inducers like clomid, hCG and gonadotropin. Unfortunately, these drugs do not easily or effectively address the underlying failure of ovarian health such as poor quality of eggs or an androgen rich surrounding environment. As a result, women have a lower pregnancy rate, a higher rate of miscarriage, and potentially undesirable side effects from drugs.
Acupuncture and Chinese medicine are designed to stimulate the body’s own natural production of hormones and regulate the menstrual cycle by gently correcting underlying deficiencies and/or eliminating disruptions. For example, when applied they can;
a) restore reproductive energy in the kidney system which represents the reproductive endocrine system to normalize the production of hormones that regulate ovulation.
b) balance the liver system which controls smooth flow and distribution of blood to remove obstruction or constriction of blood circulation in the pelvic organs, which might be caused from living with high stress, consistent anger, frustration and/or anxiety.
c) build an adequate supply of blood to sustain a normal menstrual cycle, nourish the eggs to be revitalized, and support a healthy pregnancy.
d) help dissolve the thick, waxy coating found on the surface of the ovaries to improve ovarian function, enhance egg quality with the use of Chinese herbal medicine.
e) soothe the sympathetic nervous system to relax the body, reduce stress and influence healthy ovulation

My first appointment was today. I was a little nervous before, but it went very well. The needles only gave a little "pinch", especially in areas where there isn't much skin. The ones in my ears and feet hurt the most going in. Once the needles are in she inserts them a little more and then leaves them in for 20 min. It was actually very relaxing and I felt warm and tingling in the areas where the needles were. She put needles in my ears, arms, stomach, legs and feet. My next appointment is Sunday. I felt it to be very beneficial, if not physically but mentally. I will be going back!

Love, Kristen & Eli

Ultrasound #2

2009-11-02T19:47:00.000-08:00

There was a change in plans. I got a call Friday evening from Dr. Malo's office, the nurse who called instructed me not to come on Saturday for my ultrasound but to come on Sunday morning. Good news and bad news. Good news, the appointment Sunday wasn't until 9:30AM, instead of at the crack of dawn. Bad news, it was the morning after Halloween!

Sunday morning came and went, thankfully fast, because it was the worst visit ever. The environment and the staff at the clinic were not as nice as the Lilydale office. There were two women who were in the ultrasound with me, one performing and one watching? The woman who did the ultrasound was so rough I had never been in so much pain with an ultrasound. I kept telling her how bad it hurt and she just replied with "your ovaries are hard to find and we need to look at them". I was in tears by the end of the ultrasound and they didn't give me anything to clean up with (if you ever have had a vaginal ultrasound they LOAD on the gel). At the Lilydale office before they leave the room they get a wash cloth and warm it up and hand it to you. Its little things like that, that make these frequent visits much more pleasant. Thankfully a woman who I recognized came in after the ultrasound, she was from the Lilydale office, and gave me my treatment plan. The two follicles on the left side hadn't grown much more, and unfortunately multiple smaller ones were getting bigger. The plan is to continue on the same medication I am on until Wednesday when I go back in for my third ultrasound, thankfully at the Lilydale office.

On top of the horrible ultrasound I ended up sitting at a pharmacy after the appointment for over an hour! I told the nurse practitioner who went over my treatment plan that I had run out of medication and wouldn't be receiving the medication until Monday when Fed Ex could deliver it. She said if we had been at the Lilydale office they could give me an "emergency" dose for one day, but the Minneapolis doctors are more strict and won't do that. So, she wrote me a prescription and told me to go to this pharmacy down the road who had the medication in stock. After about 30 minutes of waiting for them to fill it the pharmacist calls me up and tells me my insurance will not allow them to fill the prescription. The insurance company was saying it was too early to fill another prescription with that medication because it shows that I had recently filled it. True, but it doesn't say that it won't be delivered until Monday. AGHHHH!!! The pharmacist tells me I can pay for the medication out of pocket and have my insurance company reimburse me. Considering I asked him how much it comes to, over $700.00!!!! Who did he think I was? Who walks around with $700.00 on the them?? After that I just left. At this point it had already been over an hour since I had first gotten there. I called back to the clinic to tell them the situation and they too suggested I pay out of pocket!!! I asked the nurse if it would be okay for the one day to take Repronex, the medication I had taken before, for the one night. Since Meopur and Repronex are made by the same supplier and basically the same drug she said that would be just fine. Thankfully!!! I was so irritated and mad by this time I was willing to do anything to just get home. After all that I really hope I won't have to go back to the clinic and if I do then I hope its a better experience.

On top of everything that happened, I started having some bleeding Sunday night. I was super concerned because this had never happened before. It wasn't very heaving but enough to wear a liner. However, it was gone by the time I woke up yesterday morning. Still concerned I called Dr. Malo's office. The nurse on the phone seemed concerned but told me that it may be because they have me on such a slow pace injection plan that my uterine lining may be confused and shedding some, or that the ultrasound tech yesterday hit my cervix and she is sorry if that happened ( HA!). She told me to call back immediatley if I have a fever, cramps or more bleeding.

So glad Sunday is over! I have many things to do this week so hopefully I can keep my mind off things! I will update on Wednesday after my ultrasound. Please keep praying and send some positive thoughts my way I am needing them! Thank you.

Love, Kristen & Eli

Ultrasound #1

2009-10-29T10:20:00.000-07:00

There are two follicles growing! Both follicles are on my left side, but they are not big enough yet. They both measure around 1.1. I asked the woman who did the ultrasound how big they like them to be when ready. She said in a non-PCOS patient they will wait until at least 2.0, but in a PCOS patient they can be mature at 1.5. My next appointment is on Saturday at the crack of dawn, 7:50 in the morning! Too early for a Saturday! It will be at the Minneapolis office since the Lilydale one is closed on Saturdays. Hope I can find it!
The spots on my abdomen seem to be getting better after a couple of days. However, another one shows up about 4 hours after an injection. Pray they keep going away.
Thanks for every one's messages and prayers!

Love, Kristen & Eli

and it begins....

2009-10-27T19:11:00.000-07:00

Everything was going great with the injections until recently when I started seeing the same reactions happen; warm to the touch, pain, swelling and redness at the injection site. Here are some pictures of my abdomen and worse spot yet so far. This is a result of one injection. I'm not too worried about any of the spots on my abdomen so I will just wait and mention it to them on Thursday when I go in for my first ultrasound. Hopefully I won't get too many more. They take awhile to go away and I don't want my whole abdomen full of them, it already hurts to wear jeans! Besides the reaction nothing more is new. I will update on Thursday after my ultrasound.

Keep praying!!!

Love, Kristen & Eli

New Cycle

2009-10-22T17:02:00.001-07:00

I started my injections today! I had my baseline ultrasound this morning and everything looked good to go ahead and start. My next appointment is not until next week on October 29th. Seems so far in between now and then. Dr. Kopher's office always made me go in every 2-3 days. I hope by then I am not too overstimulated since my ovaries are so sensitive. Please pray this will be my time! I believe this will be our last try with injections. Thank you so so much!

Love, Kristen & Eli

2009-10-21T17:10:00.000-07:00

FINALLY got my period yesterday! I think this is actually the first time ever I have been so excited. It always seems like forever when I induce a period. It isn't fun either because I haven't had one in about 3 months so its no good but oh so worth it. Tomorrow, day 3, I have my baseline ultrasound. I most likely will be starting injections tomorrow, depending on the ultrasound results. This month I am going to really try and relax about the whole thing and not sit an worry all the time about whether it will work or not. I have a few distractions that I am planning on using to keep me busy ~Aren't they so cute?? We got some family pictures taken last weekend and this is the best picture we could get of them two, sort of both looking :) Those are my girls~

Here are some more pictures that we had taken. I think they turned out great!

Love, Kristen & Eli

Okay to start!!

2009-10-12T12:04:00.000-07:00

I had my blood drawn this morning and my progesterone level was exactly the same as last week. They are thinking that's just my baseline. I also had a negative pregnancy test, no surprise there! So they gave me the okay to start Provera to induce a period. On day three of my cycle I will have my baseline ultrasound. The injectable medication I will be taking is called Menopur. From what I have been reading it is the same as the Repronex I was on. Same medication just different names. I am a little nervous about starting that again as last time I ended up with cellulitis. However, Dr. Malo thinks its the best medication for my situation. Dr. Malo's office uses a mail order pharmacy so I will be having my medication brought to me by UPS tomorrow! One less time I need to make a trip to the office! I excited to be starting another cycle but can only pray this time it will work. I will update when I can, but for now take medication to bring on a woman's worst time of the month :(

Love, Kristen & Eli

Delay

2009-10-11T19:18:00.000-07:00

There has been a slight delay on getting this cycle started. The last two times I have had my blood drawn my progesterone has been elevated. Could mean two things; I have ovulated on my own or my body is thinking about a period. My pregnancy test was negative so we ruled that out. They wanted to go ahead and start the Provera to induce a period until I told them I have been having pain on my left side, GREAT! I should have never told them! I HIGHLY doubt it was ovulation because I have had this same pain before. I contribute the pain to the surgery I had when I was 15, but who knows what causes it. So now I am to go in to clinic tomorrow and have another blood draw. If I continue to have the pain she wanted me to also have an ultrasound. I have had some pain, but do I dare say anything? I really think its nothing. I will see how I feel tomorrow.

This weekend Eli and I had an amazing time in Duluth, MN. It was an Anniversary trip from my dad. We were to go in May but that's when I ended up in the hospital so we postponed it. We stayed in a hotel in Canal Park right on the Superior and we had a suite with a jacuzzi, two rooms and huge windows that faced the water. It was gorgeous. We did wish it would have been a little warmer as we didn't expect to wake up on Saturday and see snow on the ground! Its always nice to be home though! My dad and his girlfriend Trisha had Jordan and both of the dogs while we were away. I bet they are glad we are home too! Little Miss Mya needs a little more time with potty training :) Hope everyone had a good weekend even though this weekend only reminded us of the dreaded winter that is coming!

Love, Kristen & Eli

Good News!

2009-10-02T16:36:00.000-07:00

Things have been going well! The Metformin side effects have finally settled down some and although somewhat discouraging, I have lost 6 lbs. I hoped for more by this time but I will keep working on it. I have lots of other good news as well!

We got another puppy! She is 7 weeks old and is the most adorable thing ever. Her name is Mya and her and Macey just love each other. I was worried about having 2 dogs, but actually found out 2 is easier then 1. They play with each other and keep each other company. Here is a picture of our newest addition:

The other good news is Eli and I talked about things and have decided to go ahead and try another round of injections and IUIs before the end of the year! I think our biggest influence was the fact that we won't be paying anymore out of pocket this year, insurance covers everything 100% since we reached our max out of pocket. We made a deal to try once or twice more before the end of the year and if by that time we still don't have our miracle we will talk about IVF. Eli did say that if we were to do IVF we would have to wait until Spring or Summer when his business picks up or I get another job or increase hours. So we will wait until Spring or Summer :) I had my blood drawn at clinic the other day because they want to induce a period since I haven't had one since July. The pregnancy test was of course negative, however my progesterone level was up so we can't induce one yet. I go back next week for another lab draw!

Hope all is well with everyone! Missing summer already but ready for fall!

Love,

Kristen & Eli

Second opinion

2009-08-24T21:33:00.000-07:00

I don't think I am very good at updating my blog! It has been almost a week since both of my appointments and I haven't updated at all, so sorry.

Last Monday my appointment with Dr. Kopher went well. We talked about the last cycle and what went well and what didn't. He was very happy with the amount of medication we used and the amount of follicles that grew. He felt this last cycle was more controlled then the last cycles with Follistim. However, the one downfall was getting cellulitis on my abdomen from the injections. I asked him why he felt things weren't working. He said there could be multiple reasons, one being luck, two being maybe the follicles weren't "good" follicles and three this was only the third time I have ovulated EVER in my life. His suggestion was to keep trying what we have been doing. We have gone through 4 cycles, 3 being successful ovulation. He gives women 6 successful ovulation cycles with injections before he is convinced it won't work.

I explained to him that we would like to take a break from the injections and what would be his suggestions in the mean time. He brought up taking Metformin. I told him I had an appointment with Dr. Malo the following day. He suggested I go to the appointment, see what Dr. Malo has to say and go from there. I left the appointment feeling well. He took the time to answer all of my questions and explore every opportunity.

So the following day, Tuesday, I went to my appointment with Dr. Malo. My wonderful husband did come with me for support, as much as he didn't want to. We met with a nurse practitioner the first half of the appointment, going through all of my past cycles and history as well as Eli's history. She was very surprised at Eli's sperm analysis and the fact that he smokes a pack a day. She said she sees more times then none that smoking greatly affects men's sperm analysis. I think god knows that he isn't willing to stop smoking, so he is giving us a break in this area! We then met with Dr. Malo. He went right into all of options and what he thought would be worth trying. He also went over the things that Dr. Kopher has done and said he would have done the same and thinks Dr. Kopher is handling my care well.

Here are the options he gave us:

1. Try another cycle with injections. He as well isn't convinced injectables don't work in a woman until they have had successful ovulation for 6 cycles. He did say he would try another medication that is like Repronex but doesn't give the injection site side effects.

2. Have surgery known as "ovarian drilling". He said that in countries like Europe, reproductive medicine doctors do ovarian drilling before even trying injections. He said it wasn't an "experimental" surgery, patients just opt not to go down that road. The one downfall of the surgery is it may cause scar tissue that would prevent follicles to pass through the tube to the uterus. He said it works for about 60% of PCOS patients that do it. Effects show right away.

3. Take Metformin for the next 3-6 weeks and try to lose weight.

4. Be very aggressive and go right to Invitro Fertilization. This he felt would result in a successful pregnancy for us.

He left the decision up to us and explained we need to choose what to do based on how aggressive we wanted to be with things at this point.

We went into this appointment knowing we would take a break, so option number 3 was what fit us the best at this time. He did an ultrasound that day too check my uterine lining and to "make sure" PCOS was what I had. He said that my ovaries are "text book" Polysitic Ovaries. He also had blood drawn to check my liver function before taking Metformin. This post is getting long, so I will add some info on how Metformin works with PCOS in a different post. I left Dr. Malo's office feeling well, I think maybe when we decide to "try" again we will go back to Dr. Malo.

Things have been going well on the medication. however I am experiencing many side effects. Stomach upset, lots of diarrhea after eating, not feeling hungry and feeling tired. Despite the side effects I have lost some weight so things are going well and the side effects might be worth it in the end! If I don't get a period by the first of September I have to take some medication to induce one. Dr. Malo stressed the importance of getting a period while taking Metformin.

Until next post...whenever that will be :)

Love, Kristen & Eli

What a break will do!

2009-08-16T22:29:00.000-07:00

Things have been going very well, on our so called "break" from all of this. Not having to squeeze appointments in everyday and not having life schedule around everything. Its nice to be "normal" again. I feel like our relationship has even gotten better, not that it was bad before. I feel like we have grown closer and we've been having such a great time together. I also feel like I know more about my husband. We've gotten chances to actually talk about "normal" things in life, like how our day went, work, family and Jordan. Don't get me wrong I still think about having and baby and being pregnant all the time, but I don't let it consume my life.
Physically I also feel better. I have lost at least 7 pounds from just stopping hormones and I don't feel so bloated all the time. Which in return makes me less self conscious. Eli has also noticed these things! Things are going well, what a break will do for you!
I have my appointment with Dr. Kopher tomorrow morning and Tuesday morning with Dr. Maylo. Eli won't be coming with tomorrow but he will be on Tuesday. I know he doesn't want to but is willing to for my support.

I will update tomorrow after the appointment!

Love, Kristen & Eli

Cycle Update

2009-08-09T16:33:00.000-07:00

I apologize its been so long since I've updated....

It didn't work, again....I got my period. My period came 10 days after the last IUI, which is very abnormal. Its not supposed to come until 14 days after the last IUI in a "perfect" cycle. This happened before, with the last time that we did a complete cycle. When I called Dr. Kopher's office and told them I had gotten my period the nurse practitioner was a little concerned and talked with Dr. Kopher. They both agreed that it was too early for a period, especially when I was taking extra progesterone. Dr. Kopher suggested a follow up appointment to talk about maybe testing for a Luteal phase defect. Luteal phase is one of the "phases" in a woman's menstrual cycle. Its the time between ovulation and menses. I'm not sure how they test for a defect but I'm sure I've got it...why not add another problem to the list.

After all the tears and feelings of frustration and disappointment Eli and I had a very serious talk about what to do next. I like always want to keep trying. Eli wants a break. He expressed his feelings about what he was thinking and feeling and really wants a break. He feels like this has totally overcome our marriage, life, and everyday conversations. He is tired of "timed intercourse" and giving "samples" on the spot. He told me he "misses his wife" and wants to have some time to relax and not stress about trying to have a baby. He asked me to give him six months and after the first of the year we will have a discussion about when we will start this whole roller coaster again. I was very upset at first but came to realize I need a break too. As much as I want to keep going I am tired and emotionally and mentally drained. I am no longer mad or upset at Eli for wanting a break, I am thankful. Thankful that he is the strong one in the relationship and thankful that he is always looking out for us as a couple. I am not sure where I would be emotionally in the next couple of months if we kept going and ending with the same outcomes.

Despite the break we are taking from all of this, I am still going to continue to see Dr. Kopher. There are some things that we could try that would take a couple of months to even see if they have any effect. Metformin being one of them. It is a drug that is given to diabetics ans is often used in those with PCOS. There have been many reports of women with PCOS who take Metformin and get their cycles back or get pregnant on their own. That is one option I would be willing to try. Another is having a laproscopic surgery to see if there is any scar tissue affecting things from my previous surgeries. I have a follow up appointment with Dr. Kopher on Monday August 17 to discuss all that has happened and all that is left to try.

I also scheduled another appointment for a second opinion. I enjoy seeing Dr. Kopher and feel he is giving the best care and exploring each option but I am wanting a second opinion. I contacted the Minnesota for Reproductive Medicine office and have an appointment on Tuesday August 18 with Dr. John Maylo. I have only heard wonderful things about him and great success stories. He is currently reviewing all of the cycles and things we have done so far, as well as my history and Eli's history. I am excited to hear what he has to say and to find out what he suggests we start with when we are ready to try again.

This has been one stressful month but feel alot better about things. We have already taken time off to relax and enjoy ourselves. This past week we went to South Dakota for the 2009 Sturigs Motorcycle Rally. It was a blast and definitely worth doing again. We had so much fun riding, relaxing and site seeing in the gorgeous Black Hills!

Hope everyone is having a wonderful summer and enjoying themselves and their family and friends. Things that are the most important in life! Thanks for all of the love!

Love, Kristen & Eli

2009-07-15T20:40:00.000-07:00

Tomorrow and Friday are the days! We are doing the inseminations tomorrow afternoon and Friday morning. I took my trigger shot this afternoon. I have one mature follicle that they can see. Since my left ovary is so hard to get to by ultrasound, they think that there could be another one on that side. Dr. Kopher did see one on the left side a couple of days ago so it could have grown or stopped. My final Estradiol level today was 348. I am so relieved that those injections are over. My mom and I tried to take pictures of my abdomen but the pictures just didn't do it justice it was that bad!
Please send a little extra prayer our way in the next day or so and those following. We would really appreciate it! Thank you!

Love, Kristen & Eli

2009-07-13T22:43:00.000-07:00

Not much changed from yesterday to today. My Estradiol level today was 184 and my follicles were about the same. Dr. Kopher said he would like to see me tomorrow and if things haven't changed maybe increase the dose of medication for the last part of the cycle.
Along with the ultrasound today I seen Dr. Kopher for my abdomen. There is a large portion of my abdomen that is red, warm, painful to the touch, itching and hard. He started me on antibiotics for possible Cellulitis from an injection site. Cellulitis is a skin infection caused by bacteria. Normally, your skin helps protect you from infection. But if you have a cut, sore, or insect bite, bacteria can get into the skin and spread to deeper tissues. If it is not treated with antibiotics, the infection can spread to the blood or lymph nodes. If its not one thing its another!
I will update tomorrow!

Love, Kristen & Eli

2009-07-12T20:02:00.000-07:00

Good news, good news...we are almost ready for the trigger shot and inseminations! I seen Dr. Kopher this morning and there are still just the two eggs growing at the same rate and are almost mature enough for ovulation. My Estradiol level today was 184. I was a little surprised that the level isn't higher but it might be the difference in medications. With the Follistim I remember my E2 levels were very high. I am going to ask the clinic tomorrow why there is such a difference.
I really can't wait to stop giving myself these shots. I am still getting a very bad reaction to them. They are huge red welts that are very painful. I had one of the nurses at work give me the shot tonight in a different place to see if I get the same reaction.
I will update tomorrow! Pray this is my turn!

Love, Kristen & Eli

2009-07-09T19:09:00.001-07:00

I was a little worried today after I looked at my Estradiol level online...it decreased! Last time it decreased I had to stop the cycle. I called Dr. Kopher concerned. They reassured me that everything looked good and that today I actually have 2 follicles growing, one on the left and one on the right. My Estradiol level was 134 and that is where they would expect it to be based on the follicles size and where I am in my cycle. They weren't completely sure why the Estradiol level decreased but they definitely were not concerned. My next follicle study and blood work is to be done Sunday morning.

Love, Kristen & Eli

Long past due update...

2009-07-08T20:57:00.001-07:00

Sorry for the late update...as everyone has asked how things have been going. Eli surprised me with a brand new computer last night, so there should be no more late updates :)

Last Friday I started a new round of injections. I take two injections daily. One called Lupron, which puts my ovaries on hold, and one called Repronex that is a stimulant for my ovaries. Since my ovaries have been so hyper sensitive, these two drugs together should fight against each other producing a perfect outcome. Not too much stimulation and not too little. That's the plan at least and we all know how perfects plans turn out in the infertility world! I have had one major side effect from the Repronex. The injections are very painful and leave huge welts on my abdomen that are bigger then a half dollar in size, red, itchy, painful to the touch and bruising. I did see Dr. Kopher on Tuesday and he said it is one of the adverse effects of the medication, however its not harmful and as long as I can handle it then we can keep going. This effect happens in about four out of a hundred people. He did offer to stop the cycle, but I felt I could continue and live with this side effect even though its uncomfortable. Everything else has been going well. Tuesday was my first follicle study and I had one measurable follicle on my right side. My estradiol level was 191. That is a great start! I am having my second study tomorrow morning. Dr. Kopher wants to keep an "eye" on me because of how "finicky" my ovaries have been in the past.

I will update tomorrow as soon as I get my results back, and as soon as I have time! Tomorrow I am watching my nephew overnight for the first time. He is 9 months old and keeps me on my feet, but I am so excited to snuggle and have him here overnight. Thanks for all the prayers, wishes of luck and support.

Love, Kristen & Eli

The New Plan

2009-06-15T20:34:00.000-07:00

No news is good news...right? Not this time... Sorry for the late notice but we haven't had a computer working for the last week so I haven't had time to update. Thursday afternoon clinic called and told me to stop all medication and that Dr. Kopher was canceling the rest of the cycle. Besides the fact that I was devastated, I was thinking now what. Now what do we do? What is the next step? If this isn't working do we have to do Invitro? The nurse who called told me that Dr. Kopher wanted to talk to me in clinic the following day. She left me at that and didn't tell me what he wanted to talk about. Was it good or bad? I immediately called the clinic back to talk to someone but none of them could really answer my questions. The nurse I usually talked to wasn't there that day. Since I was so upset, Eli didn't go to work Friday and went to clinic with me.
Dr. Kopher talked to us about why he cancelled the cycle. Apparently when I missed that dose my estradiol levels kept decreasing. They wanted the levels to come down one day but the next it was supposed to come back up and it didn't. He said they weren't good follicles anyways because if they were my levels would keep increasing. He also cancelled because I had over 13 active follicles and we would have had a worse case of Hyperstimulation this time. He said my ovaries are very sensitive and have become sensitive to this medication. So now where do we go from here?
We went over our options with him. We could try the injections again but adding a new medication called Lupron. Lupron would be an additional injection each day with the Follistim. Lupron is a man-made form of a hormone that regulates many processes in the body. Lupron overstimulates the body's own production of certain hormones, which causes that production to shut down temporarily. It reduces the amount of testosterone in men or estrogen in women. He is hoping that this will help with the overstimulation.
Another option is try a surgery called ovarian drilling. Its a laproscopic surgery with a laser that drills holes in the ovaries to drain some of the multiple follicles that I have. However, it is still an experimental surgery and can cause scar tissue on the ovaries causing more problems with infertility. I told Dr. Kopher this wasn't an option for me. I do not want anything else hindering our chances.
Another option would be to go on a drug called Metformin and see if I get me cycles back on my own. We could also try Clomid again with this medication.
He also brought up Invitro. He said he wasn't saying that we needed to do it or that I wouldn't be able to get pregnant any other way, but he just brought it up. I asked him if we did invitro would I get pregnant. He didn't hesitate or anything and said Yes, you would have no problem.
After discussing with Eli we have decided to do the injections again with the new drug Lupron. If this doesn't work we are leaning towards Invitro. Not because I am convinced I need to but because I want to. I am tired and emotionally drained and just want this over with. We start the next cycle before July fourth weekend. I will update more as I find out more.
Thanks for all of your encouraging words, thoughts and prayers.

Love, Kristen & Eli

2009-06-10T17:15:00.000-07:00

Tuesday June 9th I went to clinic and from Monday my Estradiol level jumped from 410 to 1267. At that time 8 follicles were measurable! They were not all mature, but measurable over 1cm. I was not to take any medication yesterday, just "coast" for the day and see what happens. Today I went into clinic and there were even more measurable follicles, however my Estradiol level went down some to 1157. Apparently that is what was supposed to happen, so today I got to take the medication again. I go in tomorrow morning and see whats happening. Dr. Kopher doesn't want to have to cancel this cycle, however its still a possibility so that I don't end up in the hospital again with Hyperstimulation. That is why they are taking extra caution with the follicle growth. I really hope some of the follicles stop growing and only a couple of them mature. I will update tomorrow or as soon as I can, our computer isn't working right :)
Thanks for all of the support.

Love, Kristen & Eli

Update

2009-06-07T09:53:00.000-07:00

I had my 3rd Ultrasound this morning, Sunday June 7. Still not ready yet. There are 2 follicles growing on my right side and still small ones on the left. Dr. Kopher predicts everything will be ready for insemination by the end of this week if not earlier. It seems like no matter the dose it always takes about 2 weeks. I'm not sure of my estradiol level today, but on Friday it was 135. Still slowing increasing. I keep thinking about this working and not working...how can god let me down yet another time...this time just has to work out :)

Love, Kristen & Eli

Update

2009-06-05T09:27:00.000-07:00

It has been a week since I've started round #3 of the injections. I think things are going well. Much slower than last time as we have decreased the dose of medication. Dr. Kopher decreased the dose to try and prevent Hyperstimulation again. I had my second ultrasound this morning, still not much change but there is one measurable follicle on the right side. Hopefully things start to take off soon.
There is some good news....last Friday when I went to pick up the injections from the pharmacy the total was $0!!! I was stunned and surprised, I had my check ready for that big payment. Apparently we hit our max out of pocket for insurance. It makes things a little less stressful not worrying about how we are going to pay for things.
My estradiol level on Monday was 67...I will update later on what it was today.

Love, Kristen & Eli

Start of Round #3

2009-05-28T02:00:00.000-07:00

Today I had my baseline ultrasound to make sure everything looked okay to start injections. I don't usually have to have by blood drawn with a baseline ultrasound, but today I did. The ultrasound tech measured a follicle bigger than a cm and I needed my blood drawn to make sure that follicle wasn't being stimulated. I didn't hear from Dr. Kopher today so maybe tomorrow. Hopefully everything will be okay so we can start this third round.
Thank you so much for all of the new messages from people reading my blog from the Safe Haven Blog. I appreciate it very much. Thank you!

Love, Kristen & Eli

Writings from Mom

2009-05-24T20:50:00.001-07:00

This is something another woman wrote. My mom gave it to me and when I read it, right away I connected with this woman, whoever she is. The feelings and emotions, she says them perfect in her writing.

"There are women that become mothers without effort, without thought, without patience or loss, and though they are good mothers and love their children, I know that I will be better in a sense. I will be better not because of genetics, or money, or that I have read more books, but because I have struggled and toiled for this child. I have longed and waited. I have cried and prayed. I have endured and planned over and over again. Like most things in life, the people who truly have appreciation are those who have struggled to attain their dreams. I will notice everything about my child. I will take time to watch my child sleep, explore and discover. I will marvel at this miracle every day for the rest of my life. I will be happy when I wake in the middle of the night to the sound of my child, knowing that I can comfort, hold and feed him/her and that I am not waking to take another temperature, pop another pill, take another shot or cry tears of a broken dream. My dream will be crying for me. I count myself lucky in this sense; that God has given me this insight, this special vision with which I will look upon my child that my friends will not see. Whether I parent a child I actually give birth to or a child that God leads me to, I will not be careless with my love. I will be a better mother for all that I have endured. I am a better wife, a better aunt, a better daughter, neighbor, friend and sister because I have known pain. I know disillusionment as I have been betrayed by my own body. I have succeeded. I have won. So now, when others hurt around me, I do not run from their pain in order to save my discomfort. I see it, mourn it, and join them in theirs. I listen. And even though I cannot make it better, I can make it less lonely. I have learned the immense power of another hand holding tight to mine, of other eyes that moisten as they learn to accept the harsh truth and when life is beyond hard. I have learned a compassion that only comes with walking in those shoes. I have learned to appreciate life. YES, I will be a wonderful mother!" (Author Unknown)

YES, I know I will be a wonderful mother, someday :)
Love, Kristen

Results

2009-05-05T08:39:00.000-07:00

Yesterday I had my Hysterosalpingogram, and after almost fainting 2 times, crying, mom crying and horrible pain, we FINALLY got good news! My uterus looks great, my tubes are clear and the dye they put in came out at my ovaries (which is what they want it to do). I felt like finally we are deserving of some good news through out all of this. Maybe this was gods sign to me that he is still listening and things will work out! Now we just wait until the end of May when we can start injections again!

2009-04-30T15:27:00.000-07:00

I don't know where to go from here. For some reason this time has been very hard for me to "recover" from emotionally. My life feels empty, my arms feel empty and my heart so empty and alone. I have been trying to look to God for his grace and strength to move on, but I'm still mad at him. Mad things once again didn't work out. Mad that I have to ask the question "Why me?". Just mad at everything and why God has chosen this difficult path for me. I have so many unanswered questions right now that can't be answered. I feel blank. I feel silent. I am constantly thinking about what has happened and trying to figure out why. Why is something we will never know. How can God, creator of all things, let bad things happen to good people? Why is he doing this to me and why isn't he helping? I need God to do something for me right now, show me he is still listening and does care. Show me that someday he will answer our prayers and give us a miracle. I don't know how or what that something will be, but I will know when it happens. Until then, I'm not quite sure how to get rid of this wall between me and God.

I attended a conference yesterday for work. It was about pregnancy and fetal loss. Although I have never been pregnant or lost a baby, I felt and extreme connection with those who have. Each month I feel in my heart this will be the month. I dream about being pregnant, imagine a belly, a baby, a baby's room, boy, girl, what will he/she look like, where will I register, when will I have a baby shower..... All of the things a pregnant woman thinks about. I get confident and excited and just can't wait to take that test and see that + sign! All to only get shot down when I get that - sign and then a period. I feel like I have lost all that I "dreamt" I had, I lost that baby, my baby, another chance for that life I've dreamed of. I know I cannot completely compare losing a child and infertility, but I am positive I can compare the emotions felt and the grief process that happens. Maybe that is why I like to take the patients that are going to lose a baby or have a stillborn. I can connect with them on a level they are on. I can share emotions, feelings and be free with my words to them and their families. I learned a lot not only about myself from the conference but also about my patients and families.

One quick update on our "plan" this month. Monday I am going to have my hysterosalpingogram done at Regions Hospital. Eli is unable to go so my mom is coming with me. I am a little nervous because I have heard that it hurts. I plan on relaxing over the weekend and not thinking about it too much. This Sunday is our 1 year Anniversary! Can you believe it, its amazing how fast time goes by!

One more thing....this week is National Infertility Week. So please pray for those who you know are having trouble or cannot conceive. Thank you so so much for your support!

Love, Kristen

2009-04-24T20:31:00.000-07:00

This month wasn't in God's plan. We had a negative blood pregnancy test today. We are not pregnant :( . Eli doesn't cry much but when the doctor told us, he did. We are both so lost and devastated. Where do we go from here? Why isn't this working? So many unanswered questions that only He knows the answer to. I am so sad ...
I know we have talked and planned on taking a break, however we have together along with Dr. Kopher come up with another plan. We will wait this cycle out, I will sooner than later get a period. After the cycle is over Dr. Kopher ordered a Hysterosalpingogram (an x-ray that looks at my tubes and ovaries) to make sure there is no problems with my tubes. Than at the end of May start another round of injections, on the account that the x-ray came back okay. Dr. Kopher said it may be just "Bad Luck" or there is another underlying problem. If after that set of injections a pregnancy doesn't happen then we would talk about doing a small surgery that would allow Dr. Kopher to look on the inside with a camera. He would look at the scar tissue from my previous surgery. Sometimes so much scar tissue can make pregnancy impossible. He would also look for any sign of endometriosis. Which he doesn't believe I have because I have never had symptoms, but it still could be a possibility. If he were to find either two, in vitro fertilization would be the only option for pregnancy. At this point it would be something we would think about doing when and if the time comes.
Besides the bad news, my appointment went well. My ovaries and abdomen have decreased in size (still can't wear jeans yet!). I'm not nearly in as much pain, just sore. I am still on strict restrictions, however things will only get better from here. Dr. Kopher said he didn't want to put any bad karma on us but if I would have gotten pregnant this month it could have been dangerous. The pregnancy hormone makes the sweeling and pain 10x worse. My next appointment is on Wed.
Please continue to pray for us. I know someday God will listen ;). Thank you everyone for the cards, flowers, messages and phone calls in the past week. Everything has helped to make the week easier and faster! Thank you.

Love, Kristen & Eli

Prayer

2009-04-23T20:47:00.000-07:00

This is a prayer that I found and say every night before bed. It fits our situation so perfectly; just thought I would share it.

O Lord, we long to have a child of our own. We are frustrated with all of the futile efforts we have made to fulfill this desire. We turn to You as our only hope because all life begins with You. We ask that You grant us the privilege of bringing a child into this world to rear and nurture in your admonition. Please remove every hindrance and obstacle to our conception.
We stand in faith that You will grant our petition just as You did when Hannah cried out to You for a child; nevertheless, if in Your infinite wisdom, You have looked into the future and, for whatever reason, determined it is not Your will for us to be the natural father and mother of a child, then we ask that You give us the grace to accept Your decision. Show us the next step to take. Help us exalt Your will above our own desires.
Give us peace as we submit to Your timing and Your sorvereign plan now. In the name of Jesus, I pray, Amen.

Update

2009-04-22T12:36:00.000-07:00

A lot has happened since I last updated....
Last Thursday and Friday I had the inseminations done. Following Dr. Kopher said I should expect to be a little sore in my abdomen. Friday night I was starting to feel somewhat bloated and had some pain. Saturday it was a little worse but I didn't think anything of it, just thought the pain was normal and that it would go away. I went to work Saturday night, but could barely walk and was very uncomfortable. Sunday I wasn't feeling well at all and so I called in sick to work, thinking I just needed some more time to rest. At this point I wasn't walking very well at all and was in a lot of pain. I tried everything to help the pain; warm packs, warm baths, Tylenol, resting. Nothing seemed to help. I did finally fall asleep on Sunday night and when I woke up Monday I felt a lot better, or so I thought. Monday evening I started having sharp pains on both sides of my abdomen and started feeling nauseated and vomiting. I called Eli and told him I wasn't feeling okay and that we needed to go to urgent care or the ER. We decided to just go to the closest which was the ER in Hudson. They put an IV in, drew labs, gave me pain meds and did ultrasounds. They came to the conclusion that I had Ovarian Hyper Stimulation Syndrome. Basically meaning my ovaries are enlarged and were causing the pain. I was given the option to either stay there overnight or be transferred to Regions to stay overnight. I chose to go to Regions because the OB/GYN doctors are there 24/7 and there isn't one around the clock at Hudson Hospital. We got to drive to Regions instead of be taken by ambulance. I was admitted and given a new IV, labs were taken and another ultrasound done. I slept most of the night with the pain medicine they gave me. The doctors came in the morning and explained more about what was going on. They were worried about things getting worse. Fluid could build up in my abdomen that would need to be drained, I had an increase risk for blood clots and had an increased risk of my electrolytes being off. All things were fine so far, but I needed to be monitored closely. After begging to go home, they let me leave around 12:30. They made me promise to rest and to watch myself closely for any changes. They were a little hesitant to let me leave but trusted I would follow up.
Today I had my first follow up appoiontment at Dr. Kopher's office. Things still looked pretty good. My electrolytes were okay and my abdomen still bloated but not more than before. I had a negative pregnancy test today, but it is still very early for it to show up. I have to do daily weights and measure my abdomen at home and call with any extreme changes. I also have to take some time off work. i have been trying to rest as much as possible. If things do get worse, it can happen in a matter of hours. Things will cerntainly get worse if I am pregnant. I have another appointment with Dr. Kopher on Friday as well as a lab appointment. Please continue to pray that we are pregnant and that things continue to get better over time. Thank you for all of your calls, messages, flowers, cards etc. Everything is very much appreciated. Thank you!

Love, Kristen

Plan for the rest of the cycle

2009-04-15T09:11:00.000-07:00

My last ultrasound and blood work was yesterday! Yeah, so glad that is over with! When the doctor called yesterday she said that I had about 4 mature follicles that were growing and would be ready. There were 3 on the right and one on the left. Originally there was 5, but one wasn't continuing to grow. Dr. Kopher wanted them to get a little bigger, but didn't want to wait any longer than 12 hours or so because others are also growing and he didn't want to have eight mature follicles at the time of ovulation. So yesterday was also my last day of Follistim and today I gave myself the Ovidrel injection to release the mature eggs. Tomorrow is insemination #1 at 9:00AM and Friday insemination #2 at 9:30AM. Then the dreaded two week wait! I have no trips planned or things to do to pass the time quickly this month, so I'll have to try hard not to think about it! Please keep praying! Thank you for all of your encouraging words and messages I appreciate each and every one. Its things like that, that keep me positive! Thank you!

Love, Kristen & Eli

Much Needed Update

2009-04-14T08:46:00.000-07:00

I have had such a busy schedule lately that I haven't had time to update on my blog! Plus we STILL don't have the Internet at home so it makes it hard to find a computer to update on. Since the last update A LOT has happened. I have had 3 more ultrasounds and blood work done. Friday my level was 328, Sunday my level was 693, Monday my level was 1255! There are about 5 follicles that are growing all together. Three on the right and two on the left. I did ask the doctor who called yesterday if five was too many and she said no but that we could cancel the cycle if Eli and I were not comfortable with it. We talked and have continued to go on with the cycle. The chance of all five fertilizing is not very likely, however the chance of more than one fertilizing is very likely. I had my fourth, and hopefully last, ultrasound and blood work today. I don't have the results, although I know that the follicles were much bigger than yesterday. So, if not tonight, very soon I should be ready to give myself the injection to release the eggs and than follow with two inseminations.
Please continue to pray for us as we go through this for a second time. Please pray that this month will be our month! Thank you.

Love, Kristen & Eli

Utrasound #1

2009-04-07T23:41:00.000-07:00

Today was my first ultrasound and blood work. There were some eggs growing, but still many little ones. My estradiol level today was 114. Which is a great start! Last month my estradiol wasn't to that level until the 3rd ultrasound and blood work. So hopefully things are going faster this time! My next appointment at clinic is on Friday. We will see than if there is anymore change.
Please keep praying...although we can't control what god already has planned for us...please pray for strength and courage for Eli and I as we continue on this path of waiting for one of God's Blessings!

Love, Kristen & Eli