Saturday, June 18, 2011

Everything Happens for a Reason

No new updates on the hemorrhage....we have an ultrasound Monday for another follow-up so I will have one then. I don't expect it to have disappeared, which would be a miracle, but I do hope it hasn't grown. I am having the ultrasound done basically for my knowledge. As the doctors said, we won't change the plan if it has grown or gotten smaller. I have talked to MANY OB doctors at work and all have many different opinions on subchorionic hemorrhages. However, overall I have gotten good feedback on my situation, making things a little easier.

To ease my mind I rented a fetal heart rate Doppler. It is an amazing feeling listening to our peanut's heart beat and being able to hear him/her moving around! He/she is really easy to find, always in the same spot and always has a heart rate of 155-160. It has made me relax a little!

I feel like I should share what I have come to discover over the last 2 is my place with God. Growing up I was raised Catholic went to church with my mom every week, attended catechism and had a good relationship with God. I carried my beliefs as I got older, married in a catholic church and instilled my beliefs in my relationship with my husband. Then, infertility put a huge burden in my relationship with God and my beliefs. I didn't shut Him completely out of my life, but my relationship wasn't as strong with Him. Those 3 years I was mad at Him. I couldn't come to understand why He wouldn't bless us with a baby, why He was doing what He was doing. Each negative test I saw and each month that went on without being pregnant my faith got less and less. When I finally became pregnant I started letting Him back into my life, but was cautious. Still so numb and angry for what I had to go through, still not understanding why we had to work so hard for what others could have so easily. Since the news of my hemorrhage increasing and the chance of losing our miracle, God came back into my life full force. I apologized to Him and told Him I how much I needed Him in my life. I have a stronger relationship with Him now then I have ever had. I truly believe in Him, His miracles, His beliefs and I follow Him. I trust His plan for my life and have completely let Him have control over this little miracle He gave to us. I believe it was in His plan to give us a "scare" so that I would come back in to His life and come back into His trust. I truly believe everything happens for a reason, and this is a perfect example. There isn't a day that goes by now that I don't talk to Him, pray to Him and completley feel at peace with our relationship. I will forever be greatful for this.

I will update Monday after the ultrasound. PLEASE keep is working....we still have a healthy happy peanut! Thank you!

Love, Kristen


Kerrie said...

Been praying...hope everything is ok?

Erin said...

Hope everything is going ok. praying.

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