Update

I finally got my period after taking 10 days of progesterone. I was then instructed to start on birth control until today Monday Feb. 2. They said it was to put my body "on hold" so that I didn't ovulate on my own. They will control everything with the injections. I also had a baseline ultrasound this morning. They looked to make sure I didn't have any follicles on my ovaries so I would be able to start the injections. Everything looked fine so we are good to go this Thursday to our shot class where I will take my first injection. The ultrasound tech said that sometimes it can take 1 week and a woman's body is ready to ovulate where others it could take up to two weeks. The treatment time will depend on how fast my body reacts to the injections. I have learned that the main injection I will be taking daily is Follistim. I am a little nervous but ready to start. I think I am most nervous about Ovarian Hyperstimulation. This can happen especially to those with PCOS whose ovaries are already enlarged. The ovaries can become even larger and cause multiple problems and lead to hospitalization.

I recently have started reading a book called "Multiple Blessings". It is about Jon and Kate plus 8, for those of you who know about them. I am half way through and can't believe how alike my life is to Kate's. Before she had her children she was a labor and delivery nurse, like me! She was shortly diagnosed with PCOS after her marriage to Jon, at the time Jon was 24, Kate was 28 ( I am 24, Eli is 28). I was very surprised when I read that Kate also did the injections that I am starting this week and that is how her and Jon had their first set of twins and then the sextuplets! I thought for sure she had done invitro, but she just did the injections. I couldn't believe it. I know it seems weird but I feel like God wanted me to read her story to give me a positive attitude about this month. I have very good feelings about this month and multiple people have also said this to me.

I am inspired by Kate and how she dealt with the pain and disappointment throughout her diagnosis and first disappointment of the injections not working (they worked both on the second month!). God was a very important part of her life as she was going through everything. In her book she quotes many verses from the bible. One of my favorites is Psalm 139:16, which says that "all of our days are fashioned for us before we've even lived one of them". I truly believe this and know in my heart god has a plan for Eli and I and knows when, where, and how our baby will come. Its so hard to give up on god when I see so many undeserving people at work have babies and I am having such trouble. Here are so more quotes that I have fallen to love:
"Delight yourself in the LORD and he will give you the desires of your heart" Psalm 37:4.
"Trust in the LORD with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make your paths straight" Proverbs 3:5-6.
I definitely have found another way to deal with everything and have looked up to god even more as the days go by.

My sister gave me the best advice this weekend, she said that I just need to take everything and hand it to god. Take my nervousness, disappointment, hurt, pain, all feelings and "problems" and hand them to god. Let him deal with everything. I love her for giving me that advice and I am trying to do it. My sister is a good support person for me, as I feel we have gotten closer over last couple months.

Please continue to pray for Eli and I as we start the injections on Thursday. I will update you as soon as things start getting going. I believe my first of many ultrasounds and blood work is scheduled a week from today.
Thank you.

Love, Kristen & Eli

Normal vs PCOS

This is an ultrasound of a Polycystic ovary. This is exactly what my ovaries look like when I get my ultrasounds done. Those black circles are all of the cysts.


This is an ultrasound of a normal ovary.

I just thought this would be interesting to post for others to see!

The Next Step

Today I went for my second ultrasound this week to see if there were any changes since Monday. There wasn't. There was no eggs that were ready and mature to be released. I was very upset and once again feeling hopeless. Dr. Kopher sat and talked to us (my mom was with me) and said that I should have a discussion with my Eli about the next step. He could tell my frustrations and emotions were rising and encouraged us to think about the injections we had talked about in the first appointment. He thinks it is the next step we need to take since my body has been so inconsistent with the Clomid. The only set back we have to doing the injections are the price. They are about $3,000 a month which is including the injections and all of the close monitoring that goes along with them. I did ask the triage nurse that I had talked to earlier in the day if it was a good idea to take a break from all of this. She encouraged me to stay strong and said its very unlikely that we would get pregnant on our own, seeing that I don't even get a period on my own. I will take any advice and encouragement I can get.
As soon as I left the clinic I called Eli right away. Being the sweet guy that he is said we can do whatever I am willing to go through and whatever we need to do to have a baby. He wanted me to tell him that the injections would work for sure...but I couldn't promise that. He said it doesn't matter about the money we will find some way to make it work. I know he is willing to go further as he is starting to get frustrated and hit by many emotions each month.
When I got home I called Dr. Kopher's office to tell them we have decided to go ahead with the next step and do the injections. The nurse right away put me on the next schedule to start, which is in February. Dr. Kopher likes all of the women doing injectables to start around the same time so he schedules in groups. The nurse gave me three appointments. She said if I don't get a period by January 24th (which I won't) then I am to take Provera to induce one. On February 2 I have an ultrasound and blood draw that basically clears me to start the injections. They make sure there are no follicles starting on their own. Then on February 5th I am scheduled to go to a "shot class" where I will learn to give the injections ( which I am pretty sure I can do already) and also learn how everything works with them. Right now I am still a little confused on how it all will go, I have many questions. February 9th will be my first follicle study with the injections. There they will see if I have any mature follicles that could be released with the Ovridrel injection. Once I am ready then we will do IUI twice. Like I said I am not sure how it all works but if I get my period I am to call right away so they can start me on a birth control pill??? Not sure why they do that. I will learn myself as time goes on. This is going to be a big learning process for the both of us.
I am excited to be doing something different but scared as well. There are more risks involved in doing this next step. There is an increased risk for multiples and more of a chance that my ovaries could be hyper stimulated. Please pray that things go well. I won't give up on prayer yet even though it hasn't seemed to help! Thanks to everyone who has been so supportive. I have to thank my neighbor Emily especially. She has been there for me this whole time and is such a great listener, supporter and friend. Her and her family have become my net when I feel like I am falling. I will give an update if I learn more information or have more news.

Love,
Kristen & Eli

Follicle study appointment

Today I had my ultrasound follicle study with Dr. Kopher. Like last time there were no eggs in my right ovary and again my left ovary was hard to find, but there were no eggs in there either. I was so disappointed. How can it work one month and not the next. Dr. Kopher did see some small eggs that may develop and mature and may not. He wants me to come in on Friday to see what they have done. So we will not be doing the Intrauterine Insemination on New Years Eve. I feel like if its not one thing its another.
I hope those of you who have been following my blog get at least one thing out of it; people with infertility go through the same emotions, feelings and stress as someone who has an serious illness or maybe treatable cancer. I have had a close family member with cancer and feel Eli and I are going through similar stresses. 10 months have gone by since we started all this and I still today never thought it would be me.
I will update on Friday after my appointment. If there are no eggs I will be devastated. Not sure how many more times of getting let down I can take. Please pray.

Thank you, Kristen & Eli

Appointment

My appointment with Dr. Kopher went well. He thought it was GREAT news that I got my period on my own. That means I ovulated and we are on the right path. ("We won the battle but not the war") Our plan for this month was what I had expected. I started 100mg of Clomid the day of the appointment, to be taken for 7 days. After all 7 days, wait 7 more days to go back to the clinic for a follicle study. This is where he looks at my ovaries with an ultrasound to see if I have any eggs mature enough for ovulation. My appointment for this is on December 29. If I do have eggs he will give me the same injection of the hcg hormone to help release the mature eggs into my uterus. My most fertile days will be New Years Eve and New Years Day. At the appointment I brought up Intrauterine insemination again and he said he would like to try that this month. So New Years Eve morning I have an appointment for the insemination. He did say that he also recommends to have sex after the procedure, just for more safe measures :) IUI increases the chances of pregnancy each month from 15% to 30%.
I am very excited to try something different this month. I am hoping this New Year brings us some more luck!
I also just wanted to say that I had an awesome time in Mexico with my friends. I feel a 100% more relaxed. It was what I needed and I thank my friends and husband for encouraging me to take the vacation.
Thanks again for keeping us in your thoughts and prayers. We hope you all have a very Merry Christmas and Happy New Year. I will update after my appointments next week!

~Kristen & Eli

End of the month...

I've been patiently waiting for 17 days to go by so that we could test and see if we were expecting a miracle. We were so close, but on day 16 at work I got my period...I was crushed. I thought for sure it would work this month, or I wished. This is so emotionally draining to go through. In the beginning of the month I am excited and hopeful and always seem to get let down. Its hard to go on when you have been hurt so many times each month. Its also very hard to get advice or listen to those who have never been through something like this. I know everyone tries to help but you just really do not know how it feels until you actually experience it first hand. However, I am very grateful for all the support I have gotten from family, friends, and co-workers.
So, after a few tears and a lot of convincing from my friends and family I found the positive side of getting my period. It came on its own without medication to induce it! Which has never happened in the 11 months I have been off birth control. So I guess that means I ovulated and my body is starting to work with a little bit of help. I thank god for this progress but hope for more next month.
Everyone always asks me "Isn't it hard to work in labor and delivery and go through infertility?". It is in some ways but I am actually not at all jealous or envious of my patients. Its my job and they need me. I can't let my life get in the way of my nursing care. Its more of the friends and family who I become more envious of. But my time shall come sooner or later and I just have to remind myself that.
My next appointment with Dr. Kopher is on Tuesday December 16th. I believe he does an exam before prescribing Clomid again. I am almost positive the plan will be the same as this month. Clomid, Ultrasound, Injection, Sex. I am going to ask him again about intra uterine insemination for this month. I talked to many doctors at work who have said to just do it to increase your chances each month a little more. I will see what Dr. Kopher says about that.
Onto a totally different subject, spur of the moment my best friend Molly and her sister and I have planned a short vacation to Mexico. I have been so stressed out with this infertility, losing hours at my job for budget cuts and Eli losing some of his stores that I am in need of a vacation full of relaxing! We are leaving Thursday December 18 and coming back Monday December 22. We have never done this and I am so excited. Spur of the moment trips are sure to be interesting.
Once again I thank everyone for caring and supporting us as we wind through this tough path we are on. Everyone is very much appreciatted by both of us.
I will update after my appointment with Dr. Kopher!
Kristen & Eli Wolfe

Ultrasound with Dr. Kopher

I had my ultrasound with Dr. Kopher today. Eli was unable to come as he was stuck at work. My mom showed up at the end of the appointment for support if I needed it (awesome mom!). He first looked at my right ovary and saw nothing, my hopes were up at this point. And then he looked at my left ovary and he said "Say hello to an egg". I was so happy! This was the best progress yet! I actually had 2 eggs in my left ovary that were mature and ready to be released. So from that he gave me an injection in my thigh of LH (normal hormone in the body). This usually works to release the egg or eggs. I am then most fertile 36-48 hours after the injection. I did ask him about doing Intra unterine Insemination for a better chance of getting pregnant. His response was that it wouldn't make a difference at this point, but further down the road it could be a possibility. He did also give me the percentages of getting pregnant this time and he said that I now have the chance that most fertile couples have each month and that is 10-15%. Its not 100% which I wish he could have said, but at least I am ovulating and having a "normal" percentage of getting pregnant! He also said that if we won the battle (ovulating) but we didn't win the war (getting pregnant) than I would get a period in about 17 days. If I'm pregnant I obviously wont'. I guess now we wait and see!
I am so relieved. I feel like things are coming together somewhat. However, I still have my sad times and get a little depressed around pregnant people. I want others to know I am happy for everyone who is pregnant even if I don't show it. Right now its still a little hard for me. Thank you everyone for your support and prayers. They have started to work! Keep praying for pregnancy. And thank you grandpa I know you put in a good word for us up there, keep it up! Love you!
Love, Kristen & Eli Wolfe